A constant source of annoyance to his father, Billy's imagination works overtime to transport him away from the mundanities of modern life at the funeral parlour.
Billy's girlfriend Sandra is a student at Stradhoughton Art School. To Billy, painting means Paris and Paris means France, so his fantasies take on a distinctly Gallic flavour...
Billy's idea of a cultural weekend in Stratford-Upon-Avon doesn't necessarily involve any Shakespeare. Having persuaded his parents to let his fiancee accompany them he is foiled when Barbara insists on separate rooms.
Billy's father despairs of Billy's obsession with making model prehistoric monsters. In Billy's imagination, however, the models take on truly monstrous proportions!
Billy acquires a model of a Concorde and dreams of being a wartime bomber pilot. His flight of fancy crashlands when he meets a freaked out hippy friend on his way to joining a commune in Cornwall.
Billy's parents - in cahoots with Mr. Shadrack - send him to a psychiatrist, but it would appear that Dr. Smiley is not the best choice as medical adviser...
Billy and Barbara offer to babysit Grandma so his parents can go to the pub for a few hours. Billy has other plans, however, and they don't involve keeping Grandma company.
Billy has a plan and that plan is simple - take Barbara for a mostly liquid lunch, escort her home and invite her to lie down on the sofa. Fate, however, has other ideas.
Billy has his heart set on a pair of bright yellow trousers for Christmas, but there are two problems. One - they're expensive, and two - his dad is determined that he should never wear such horrible things.
Barbara is planning the colour of their new bathroom and scans through House and Home. Billy is more concerned with the contents of his own glossy magazine, however...
Billy's parents go away overnight to attend his uncle's funeral. His dad is decidedly apprehensive about leaving Billy alone with Gran, a situation which is escalated when Billy is left in sole charge of the shop by Mr. Shadrack.
Billy's magpie tendencies are well-known but happily concealed until his family find the key to his secret store cupboard. Its peculiar contents start a chain of events that no-one could have foreseen.
Billy's twin brother Boris is endowed with every virtue that Billy does not possess. He is shrewd, mature, ruthless, successful, wealthy and compassionate. Naturally, Billy's girlfriends are anxious to meet this paragon of virtues.
Billy gets withdrawal symptoms when fiancee Barbara considers it time they got acquainted with the Wedding March! The thought of a stroll up the aisle kicks Billy's imagination into overdrive.
When Oswald, Mr. Shadrack's nephew comes to work at the funeral parlour, he and Billy fall out.
Barbara, realising that Billy has received a lot of boring presents for his birthday, arranges that they spend the evening together. His luck changes, however, when he meets up with Sheila.
Billy takes up lodging with a Miss Duggins. It is soon apparent that her house rules do not comply with Billy's visions of life.
Billy is attracted to an advert in the local paper asking for men to be recruited for a career in publishing. Mr Shadrack and his parents pour cold water on the idea, but unperturbed, Billy goes to the interview anyway and gets the job. However, the publishing life is not what it seems, and is in fact selling encyclopaedias door-to-door. It's not exactly legal either...
Billy's new girlfriend Alison has an unusual hobby - she collects engagement rings. Unfortunately for her, Billy's ring is still firmly on Barbara's finger...
Billy's family are filled with admiration when he tells them that for the past six months he's been taking piano lessons, developing an amazing talent. Mr. Fisher is more sceptical and questions whether Billy can play at all. Billy has in fact been going to see a piano teacher all this time, but he's been playing drafts with the old man in a hope of being left a legacy when he dies. Billy is obviously horrified when a piano turns up at the house and his family urge him to play it...
Billy becomes obsessed by the television series Kung Fu, and in his imagination lives the life of duty and honour of its hero, Caine. After a kung fu smash on an expensive urn at the funeral parlour, Billy is suspended without pay, but fortunately this gives him the time to look after his grandma. With grandma due at the hospital, Billy's imagination soon runs away from him, dragging with it his grandma's wheelchair...
Billy is summoned to Jury Service. Appalled lest his son let him down, Dad stages a mock trial in the living room to give Billy some understanding of British justice.
Billy's father takes to his bed with a slight chill and his mother calls the doctor. Billy overhears part of their conversation and promptly misunderstands the doctor's remarks.
Billy discovers that being sacked for incompetence by Mr. Shadrack isn't such a bad thing after all.
Billy usually manages to keep his fantasies to himself but when a stately middle-aged lady called Evangeline Tupper calls on Mr. Shadrack he wrongly imagines a liaison taking place.
When Dad papers the parlour he expects everyone to muck in and help, including his idle son. Billy has other ideas, and has several more amusing ways of spending his evening...
Barrie Rutter and Ken Platt star as Bob and Ben Buslingthorpe - Halifax-centric brothers whose relationship is knocked askew when Bob gets engaged. Written by Keith Waterhouse and Willis Hall. Directed and Produced by Ian Davidson
This edition of the long-running arts programme from 1983 concentrates on the life and works of Keith Waterhouse.
