Ma, Da, Uncle Andy and the rest of the gang are back for a hilarious new six-part series, following on from the massive success of their television special filmed on location in New York last year. The first episode is a 30-minute dash through some of the key moments in Ireland's history and how, Ma, Da and the gang have inadvertently played their own inimitable role in shaping history! David Kelly guests in a shaggy dog story involving ice-cream and the Titanic!
It's not often Eamonn Holmes gets tied up in knots ... but the unflappable presenter has nothing to say for himself when Ma bounds and gags him in her bedroom in this episode. In scenes reminiscent of Stephen King's Misery, Ma turns celebrity stalker and kidnaps Eamonn. In a separate room she also hold Hugo Duncan hostage!
This week, Billy has an embarrassing problem and for once it’s not his Uncle Andy, it’s his klutz of a new partner Dexter. Dexter has been dispatched to Belfast by the FBI to help the RUC fight Northern Ireland’s growing drug problem. Dexter is lean, mean and absolutely incompetent. He is the type of cop who makes Inspector Clouseau look like Sherlock Holmes. Still, what do you expect from a cop whose last big case was OJ Simpson! Do they solve the case, or should that be more of a case of methods and madness?
It's Da's birthday and Ma and Cal have cooked him a special meal but Da chooses to go out with his MLA friends. On top of that Ma and Cal have money problems even more so after buying 'real meat' and Chardonnay for Da's birthday meal. Strangely, however, Da doesn’t. Da is really enjoying life as an assembly man and goes out and buys a new car and cigars. Then his expenses are queried! Only a trip to south Armagh can save Da….helped by a visit from Dan O’Bannon (John Hewitt) in this week's Give My Head Peace
This week, Unlce Andy hosts a prison night theme party for Red Hand Luke, who is finding it hard to cope with life on the outside. Red Hand Luke said that couldn't hold the party in his own house as it would mean having Republicans there! Only Da and Cal turned up for the party and get locked in Billy's bedroom missing Red Hand Luke reading from his prison diary. Mervyn and Uncle Andy subsequently fall asleep. Meanwhile, Billy is trying to recuit Dympna and Cal to join the police force. For every Catholic he introduces he gets free airmiles!
Who is the greatest footballer ever? According to George Best it was Cal when he was 14. So what went wrong? Back in 1979 a letter arrived for Cal from Celtic, asking him to join the team but Dad intercepts the letter and pays the postman £5 to take it back. Twenty two years later Jimmy the postman's guilt overwhelms him and he confesses to Cal. Cal goes into shock for three weeks only uttering one word 'Celtic'! double glazingCal decides to take drastic measures to teach Da a lesson! In Orange Terrace, Mervyn gets a job, as a double-glazing salesman! Uncle Andy is not happy as Mervyn now socialises with his work colleagues, Rory and Dervla. To make matters worse, Mervyn tells him that he wants a future with a nice house and a salary!
Uncle Andy takes the lend of Rocco Brooklyn (to whom he gives the nom de guerre ‘Elvis’) from Samantha down the road in order to secure his £62 a month from the Social Services. Sadly for him and his bank balance he soon gets rumbled by the Social, and Samantha’s extremely agressive husband, due to his somewhat inattentive guardianship. Meanwhile, Da is facing the sack from his position as Sinn Fein assembly member due to a misplaced comment about the watch-towers in South Armagh, namely that they should be kept in place because "someone needs to keep an eye on those mad b******ds". Gerry said he’d take his chances with the by-election, but is this just a test?
Da gives himself a makeover and a new moniker as he dons some street-gear and transforms into ‘Duff Paddy’ in a bid to secure the youth vote. At least that’s what he tells Ma. In actual fact it seems to be a desperate attempt to emulate Bobby McCrue and his young Russian bride, or to get away from Ma - their perfect match began when Ma answered Da’s personal ad: "Ugly glipe seeks gullible woman for 37 years of unrelenting misery". As an indirect result of Da's antics, Cal manages to get himself a new girlfriend. Chantelle Toomey, however, is more than he bargained for - she may have named her kids after the characters in the "Sound of Music" but their antics are more akin to those in "Seven"! Uncle Andy, meanwhile, is going in for a spot of historical revisionism by making a short film about King Billy and the Battle of the Boyne for Channel 4 with sidekick Mervyn. Dympna’s offer to help out is turned down as Uncle Andy decrees that it’s a PPP - Purely Protestant Production. However, he unearths a few truths he'd rather not know.
After their trip to the Ideal Home Exhibition, Ma and Dympna both have their heads full of ideas. Dympna comes up with a rather novel way of executing hers by beggining a campaign of harrassment designed to frighten Billy out of Orange Terrace. Meanwhile, Ma and Da sign an historic cease fire and agree to buy some furniture, but the break in hostilities doesn't last long as Da misinterprets Ma's request for "something in mahogany" and returns with a full-sized snooker table. Ma immediately calls the removal men but has to watch on in horror as her living room begins to resemble the Crucible. Red Hand Luke, however, becomes the proud denizen of a beautiful 4-bedroom Laganside apartment courtesy of the Housing Executive, "on account of the intiminadation". Mervyn explains to a bewildered Uncle Andy that if you get intimidated out of your house the Housing Executive have to find you somewhere else to live. But when Mervyn asks Luke who intimidated him, he replies: "Nobody. I intimidated the Housing Executive".
The launch of Uncle Andy's work of literary genius at 3 Orange Terrace is not proving to be much of a crowd-puller. He certainly won't be shifting many copies in Germany, where the translation is Mein Kampf. Mind you, he had already halved his potential readership as the book went to press - "published in Ulster, by the Ulster Protestant Press, for Protestants. Not for sale to taigs." Neither is Billy to impressed with his dedication: "To a turncoat cop who stood idly by while the Protestant people were trampled on. How do you live with yourself?" But what goes around comes around and, as sales figures peak at 3, Andy finds himself £1000 in debt to Mad Lenny. As the unwitting guarantour of this "loan", Mervyn finds himself lured into Uncle Andy's solution to the problem - Medical Drugs Trials. The only catch? They've got to stay off the drink for the duration...
Da gets an unexpected Christmas bonus when Gerry's card arrives in the post and Billy forces Uncle Andy, Mervyn and Sammy to use the £1000 granted by the council to the "Kneebreakers Community Christmas Club Committee" on decorations. They set up a suspiciously cheap-looking Santa's Grotto. Nevertheless, Red Hand Luke cannot contain his excitement and is shocked when he unmasks Uncle Andy beneath the beard. Things turn nasty when Mervyn points out that Santa doesn't actually exist, much to Luke's dismay. Meanwhile, over at 47a Divis Towers, the evil spirit possessing the place at Christmas turns out to be a rather mild-mannered fellow called Raymond - killed by a turkey chucked out of the window in 1974. That would explain the festive nightmares for the past 27 years...
Emer writes to Billy and, although he is the last to read it, the consequences of the papal annulment of their marriage she has secured quickly dawn on him - "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last". Mind you, his cries are soon drowned out by Dympna's demands for an engagement ring. Uncle Andy, whilst obviously appalled by this impending match, magnanimously offers to host the reception in the Kneebreakers. But further disbelief is ahead when Billy and Dympna announce that the Pope himself is to conduct the ceremony: "The Pope!!!!? There's no way I'll sign him into the Kneebreakers". Soon enough though, occasional Kneebreakers' entertainer 'Micky McMesma' turns Uncle Andy into the Pope as part of his act, unfortunately dropping dead before he can change him back. So, when Billy, Dympna, Ma, Da and Cal head off to Rome for the wedding, little do they know that Uncle Andy is hot on their trail in full Papal attire. Da has other problems on his hands too - in the shape of Cardinal Vincenzo. Da is not too pleased to see him given the affection clearly evident between him and Ma. This potent combination of chivalry and ignorant male pride soon leads to the battle to end all battles, at least in Da's head...
Billy and Dympna's married life is off to a shaky start thanks to the interfering "advice" from Da, Ma and Uncle Andy. Meanwhile, Ma and Cal wonder why for the past 25 years Da has always asked for two of every meal and drink, from dinners to desserts to double whiskies. Cal wants to get to the bottom of things, but Ma cautions against following Da: "No Son! I followed him out of a dance 40 years ago and look what happened to me!" We discover Da's big appetite is actually his way of smuggling supplies to Red Tim O'Leary, an IRA man on the run, who has been holed up in the attic of Divis Tower for the past 25 years! Over in East Belfast, Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn decide to form a loyalist political party in order to get a free trip to London. The call themselves the Protestant Loyalist Organisation for Protestants aka the PLOPS and head for Downing Street via Soho and theatreland!
It's time for the Kneebreakers drinks licence to be renewed and Uncle Andy expects Billy to "put it through on the nod" as in previous years. However Billy's new boss, the morally upright Inspector Brodie, is determined to do everything by the book and the Kneebreakers just doesn't make the grade. To add insult to injury, The Armalite and Ballot Box is awarded its license without incident, largely because Da, as the entertainments officer, has designated the club a cultural community centre. Uncle Andy decides that what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and decides to write a play which will be performed in the Kneebreakers in order to get the drinks license passed. But will "A Man for All Marching Seasons" staring Red Hand Luke pass muster with the inscrutable Inspector Brodie?
Only a few months into wedding life and Dympna is feeling taken for granted - her life is a constant round of cooking, ironing and skivying for Billy and Uncle Andy. The final straw comes when she discovers Uncle Andy making "alterations" to her beloved wedding dress (which he has sold to the pregnant fiance of Big Mervyn's nephew, Wee Richard!) She goes back to Ma and Da and drowns her sorrows. When she wakes the following morning and is sick, thanks to a horrible hangover, Billy gets the wrong end of the stick and thinks she's pregnant! Dympna, enjoying the attention, decides to play along with the charade, but when Billy's police medical shows that he is sterile there's trouble brewing...
Red Hand Luke's psychiatrist has recommend that he take up woodwork to control his aggression. So Luke decides that Orange Terrace needs a whole new set of furniture - and Uncle Andy's paying for it whether he likes it or not! What's more Luke wants his cash pronto as he's had a premonition that Andy will die on Saturday! His "dream" is a litany of strange events: firstly, Andy will meet a four legged man; will then be snogged by Vanessa Feltz; will have fish rain down on his house; and finally be visited by the grim reaper! Uncle Andy thinks he's safe because such bizarre things could never happen. However, when Billy returns from a Greenpeace "Save the Irish Sea" demonstration on crutches and reveals that the lads down the station are calling him four legs, Andy starts to panic! And when Vanessa Feltz arrives on his doorstep he's practically hysterical...
It's Da's birthiday and Cal has decided to surprise him with a party. In order to round up all Da's old mates, Cal goes online to "provosreunited.com" and sends out a few thousand invites! Meanwhile over in east Belfast, Billy is busy swotting up on "some legal stuff" in preparation for his interview for sergeant. Unfortunately for Billy though, Andy and Mervyn seem determined to distract him from his books and Dympna is more interested in booking a holiday! Seamus (Gerry's right-hand man and personal bodyguard) pops over to visit Divis Tower to tell Da that Senator Billy Helms from Dakota will be coming to visit for tea on Thursday. He warns Da not to do or say anything stupid. Naturally Da takes offence at the implication he is a social liability, but when some surprise birthday guests appear from the depths of South America armed with AK47s and a profound hatred of the good ole US of A he starts to panic...
Uncle Andy is none too pleased to discover that the members of the Kneebreakers Lodge have elected Cedric Dickson as their new Grand Master. It transpires that Cedric and Uncle Andy go way back - all the back to borstal in fact! But Andy has never forgiven Cedric for making a success of the antique business they started together and for stealing his girl - Gwendolen. Tensions are running high in Divis Tower too as Da waits feverishly for his invitation to the Lord Mayor's Ball. It seems that everyone has received their invite except him. Surely Lord Mayor Maskey hasn't forgotten or, worse, decided not to have Da at the big bash... Back in Orange Terrace, Andy's campaign of poision pen letters are having the desired result as Gwendolen throws Cedric out of the marital home for fooling around with Big Barbara the barmaid. When Cedric arrives on Andy's doorstep and pleads for him to intercede for him, Andy finds himself having a cosy candlelit tête á tête with his former sweetheart. But are her motives entirely honourable?...
There's trouble brewing in Divis Towers when Gerry Adams tells Da to shave off his beard because he's fed up being mistaken for him. Eventually they come to a compromise - Da can keep his beard if he agrees to do a "wee favour" for Gerry. Over in Orange Terrace, Dympna and Billy are amused to discover that Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn have established themselves as a vigilante police force - the PPs (Protestant Police). They are determined to provide round the clock protection for the local community and to prove they are up to the job, Andy and Mervyn challenge each other to a stay-awake-athon. Meanwhile, Da and Cal discover what the wee favour is.. they find themselves on windswept Winter Island in search of the missing Sinn Fein Rep, Fintan O'Dwyer. It turns out that Gerry is a bit concerned that he hasn't heard from Fintan in quite a while and just wants to make sure "that the fella's safe and well... and not in Colombia." Back in East Belfast, Andy's scheme to win the stay awake challenge goes awry when his pre-recorded "conversation" tape is discovered by Billy and Dympna. Da and Cal aren't having much luck either; Winter Island isn't exactly a friendly, welcoming sort of place. In fact it's populated by a group of grotesque and misshapen weirdos who seem to be determined that Da and Cal stay for longer than they planned to, and especially keen that they meet their god, Nuada... in person!
Uncle Andy and Mervyn's friendship is put to the test, when Dympna suggests that Andy might be holding Mervyn back. But ever loyal, Big Mervyn defends his mucker and says that he is grateful to have such a great friend and that he bears Andy no ill will at all - even if he did ruin his chance to become a world famous concert violinist! However, the atmosphere of brotherly love and harmony is shortlived - later that day Billy and Dympna discover that Uncle Andy and Mervyn have had a major fallout. Indeed Andy goes so far as to declare that Mervyn is dead to him! Unfortunately as local loyalists hear of the breakup and take sides a huge loyalist feud develops. As the feud intensifies, streets are barricaded, people flee their homes and worst of all - Dympna's aerobic class is cancelled! In order to restore some semblance of normality, Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn are persuaded to speak to Frankie Spence - an experienced loyalist mediator who is determined to get to the bottom of the problem...
Red Hand Luke becomes convinced he's going to die from kidney failure, despite the fact that doctors have told him the illness is all in his head! Dympna suggests that Luke's anxiety attacks stem back to his lack of a stable background and a father figure in his life. Over in Divis Towers, it's Ma's birthday and, as ever, the poor woman is having a dreadful time of it. Thanks to a flea-ridden fur coat that Da bought her in a second-hand shop, she's covered in calamine lotion and the whole flat must be fumigated! She cheers up briefly when Cal gives her a musical birthday card but even that fails to work! Back in Orange Terrace, Luke is in seventh heaven. He's finally found a father figure, someone he can rely on to indulge his every whim, take him to the funfair, buy him expensive gifts - Uncle Andy! Naturally Andy is less than happy with the situation, but he's just too scared to say no to the demented Luke. However, things come to a head when Luke demands one of Andy's kidneys for his transplant operation! Da is delighted to discover he is being bugged - he thinks it proves his importance within the republican movement! Despite warnings from Sinn Fein to keep things quiet, Da organises a press conference only to discover the "bug" is in fact the computer chip from Ma's musical birthday card!
Ma and Da have got some new neighbours - a pair of blonde bombshells who seem to have taken a bit of a shine to Da and Cal! Ma's not a bit impressed by Da's antics in chatting up the girls but Da claims he's only trying to get a girl for his favourite son! Ma replies that the girls weren't good enough for her favourite son! Cal doesn't get to bask in his new found popularity for long though, because his long lost brother Paul arrives back from America and suddenly Ma and Da are running around fussing over the prodigal son and forgetting all about Cal. Over in East Belfast, things get a bit cramped when Cal, Big Mervyn, a cockatoo and Percy the Python all arrive as houseguests. Chaos ensues until Billy can take no more and he orders all visitors out of the house at gunpoint! The reason for Paul's return to the family home is revealed when Dympna discovers that he has been thrown out by his multi-millionaire wife for playing around! However Paul doesn't seem to be too put out about it and consoles himself with the blonde neighbours! He eventually gets his comeuppance though when the girls turn out to be journalists getting the inside track on the scandal.
It's approaching Christmas and Da and Cal have hit on a surefire way to make a bob or two. Their rather dodgy contact, Sean Paul, promises to supply them with 200 turkeys at a bargain price of only one pound each. They plan to flog the birds at £20 each and make a tidy profit. Billy's luck isn't quite so good though: what with Dympna's lengthy Christmas list, mounting debts for his timeshare in Chechnya, and the fact that he's just been burgled! All in all, it looks like it will be a pretty grim Christmas at Orange Terrace. So when Mrs Hawthorne, a elderly neighbour, comes in to complain that her milk is being pinched, Billy isn't exactly too sympathetic... Back at Divis Towers, Da and Cal are delighted to have off loaded all their turkeys to neighbours and friends (not to mention several senior people in Sinn Fein!). Imagine their shock when the turkeys arrvive - complete with feathers and a tendancy to run around!! Mrs Hawthorne asks Billy to accompany her to the bank because she wants to lodge her life savings - £30,000. A matter of hours later, Billy is sitting in the lap of luxury - new furniture, a widescreen TV, and all of Dympna's presents under the tree. When word comes that Mrs Hawthorne has been murdered, suspicion rests on Billy, but is he really the guilty one?
Da and Cal have been asked to act as election agents for Deso Burke a Sinn Fein candidate for the seat of Dublin North East Central. Deso isn't exactly a pillar of the community - in fact he's seems to be a complete nutter! Spurred on by the news that their inlaws have headed south, Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn decide to take a weekend in Dublin themselves to "bring succour and relief to our fellow protestants". Their initial fears of being ridiculed, robbed and set upon by unfriendly locals are soon allayed when they find themselves the lucky "millionth customer" of a Dublin pub! Da and Cal have an equally rowdy night and they end up botching the application forms for Deso. Instead of proposing Deso for the seat, Cal mistakenly puts his own name forward and before he knows it, he is the official Sinn Fein candidate. Afraid of causing a North/South split within Sinn Fein, the party throw all their resources into Cal's campaign, with startling results. It soon appears that Cal has finally found his vocation - he is a hit with the voters and the only skeleton in his closet seems to be his family! Undeterred, the campaign organisers arrange for a "suitable" family for him - a wife called Jacky and a couple of cute kids. Naturally he wins the election by a landslide. The only blot on the horizon is the disgruntled Deso who feels that all Cal's subsequent successes (taking over the leadership of Sinn Fein from Gerry Adams , winning the General Election and defeating Bertie Ahern) should have rightly been his...
Da's none too pleased with his recent appointment as Sinn Fein Cultural Affairs Spokesman. "It'll be Riverdance this and diddly-dee that!" he compains. He changes his mind though when he learns that an American trust is prepared to fund a local film to the tune of $750,000! Not to be out done, Mervyn and Andy also apply for a grant and once they get the money go on a giddy spending spree that includes Cartier watches and jet-setting to Las Vegas. Back in Divis Towers, Cal and Da are struggling with the casting of "Da Another Day". While Liam Neeson, George Clooney, Will Smith and Sean Connery have all been considered, Da feels he has no choice but to be true to his artistic vision and play the leading role himself. But when Ma discovers that his role involves romantic scenes with a glamorous actress, she has something to say on the matter...
It's Billy's birthday and Da and Cal are once again teasing him about being an orphan. Billy admits that the best present he could every get would be to discover who his mother is. Inspried, Dympna places an ad in the paper. There is soon a queue of women outside Billy's front door all looking to be reunited by their son (and claim the substantial reward!) Just as Billy and Dympna are tiring of interviewing the imposters, a woman called Andrea arrives and declares she is Billy's mother and can prove it! True to her word she knows all about the bracelet Billy was wearing when abandoned and his birthmark shaped liked Ireland. Delighted to be reunited with his mother, Billy voices the question he's dreading most. If Andrea is Billy's mum, then who is his dad?...
The unthinkable happens - a woman falls in love with Uncle Andy! Notwithstanding the fact that at first he thought Jolene was a female impersonator, Andy just can't believe his luck. And the good news just keeps on coming when Mervyn reveals that he will come into a million pounds on his wedding day, thanks to a bequest from his Uncle Edgar! Over in Divis Towers the situation is less rosy. Da is distraught that he has been told to deliver a speech to the European Parliament on "Encouraging and Expanding the use of Minority Languages in the EU". In Irish... Ma agrees to write the speech for him in exchange for a new washing machine, but when he double-crosses her things turn nasty... When Andy realises that Big Mervyn must marry before midnight or lose his inheritance, he casts wildly around for a woman prepared to marry his mucker. But is he prepared to sacrifice Jolene in the process?
Cal discovers he can hear dead people and takes to wandering round the graveyards of Belfast communicating with the deceased. From family members to long dead republican leaders, Cal receives the same haunting message - that Ma should never have married Da! Andy and Mervyn could do with a bit of supernatural help over in Orange Terrace. They are on the run from the local loyalist paramilitaries because they spilt Pastor Begbies pint. It looks like they are in for a hiding until Red Hand Luke arrives on the scene and greets Begbie like the old cell-mate he once was. In order to keep in Luke's good books Uncle Andy invites him to stay with him. Luke's eccentric behaviour and his bizarre diet of nothing but beetroot pushes everyone to the end of their tether. In a effort to make Luke move out Uncle Andy whips up a nut quiche knowing Luke has a nut allergy. However his plan backfires when Luke collapses on the floor dead! Ever suspicious, Pastor Begbie decides to investigate Luke's death and so it falls to Cal to commune with the deceased Luke and convince Pastor Begbie that Andy and Mervyn didn't kill him...
While running away from the other members of the Unionist Unity Committee, Andy takes a wrong turn and runs into a nationalist area where he meets a few Celtic supporters. Recounting the tale later to Billy and Dympna, Andy admits that he thought he was done for until Elvis showed up and saved him! Everyone is convinced that Andy has lost the plot and in a desperate bid to save his mate from a psychiatric ward, Mervyn decides to take Andy to Graceland show him Elvis' grave and shock his friend back to reality. The hapless muckers head Stateside and things seem to be going according to plan until they get to Graceland where Andy insists on digging up Elvis' coffin and checking inside...
Da gets an electric shock while taking down the Christmas tree lights and has a total character change! Gone is the lazy, scheming skiver that Ma and Cal have known all these years and in his place is a debonair, diligent and dedicated father. The transformation doesn't last long though as an other electric shock returns Da to his miserable self. There are shocks to be had in Billy house too when Uncle Andy and Mervyn realise that Red Hand Luke has a gift for predicting winners in horseracing. Rather than making them all very rich though, Luke's gift is soon turned against Uncle Andy and Mervyn who are forced to bet against Luke "for the fun of it"! Even Billy gets involved and soon he's lost everything, even the house. Back in Divis Towers, Ma decides to give Da another wee shock to get back his nicer alter ego, but she gets a nicer person than even she can tolerate...
The BBC decide to resurrect some of the local stars of television in the 1970s for a show entitled "Bring Back the Seventies!" It turns out that Ma was once a member of a hugely popular girl group called The Trufelles while Uncle Andy was Dandy Andy the presenter of a children's show called "Domper Stomper Do". Both former stars agree to take part in the televison programme: Ma because she is just dying to meet her old band mates who went on to fame fortune in America while she stayed at home to look after Da and her family; and Uncle Andy because he is trying to get over the horror of his last ever show when he killed the programme's pet rabbit with an empty vodka bottle. When they finally get to the studio however, it becomes clear that Ma is more determined to exact revenge from her former friends and that Uncle Andy is becoming increasing deranged...
Because the Republic of Ireland has banned smoking in pubs, Sammy, owner of The Kneebreakers, decides that because he is against everything the South is for, he will promote smoking in his pub. It's a no "no smoking" pub! Over in Divis Tower, Da is indulging in some cigarrettes himself but these are bought in bulk from Slava, a Russina Mafia boss and international smuggler. Sammy is less than delighted to discover that his smoking pub has become famous throughout the Republic and that The Kneebreakers is full of blokes in Celtic tops, singing "The Soldiers ' Song" and watching hurling! Still thanks to Da's cheap cigarettes he's making a mint out of his unwelcome customers...
Cal discovers he has a talent for writing advertising slogans thanks to all those years writing protest posters for Sinn Fein. His new found success sees him fall for an advertising executive called Charlotte and finally move out of Divis Towers into an apartment of his very own. But, let's face it, Cal and happiness don't stay in each other company for long! So when the wunderkind produces a slogan for the DUP so convincing that even Ma joins, you just know things are starting to go sour...
The stench coming from Uncle Andy's room finally gets too much for Billy and Dympna to bear and he is told to clean up or clear out. Andy refuses to mend his ways until Red Hand Luke demands back the toy "Clackers" he lent to Andy in 1975 and Uncle Andy has no choice but to sort out his room in order to find them. Da and Cal are searching too; for a statue of Saint Fingal to replace the one that Da broke. The unfortunate pair have to trek all the way to the Carpathian mountains to the Monastery of St Fingal to learn of the terrible fate that awaits Da should they fail to replace the statue...
Dympna suggests that Red Hand Luke seek out some "positive influences" in order to cure himself of his criminal tendencies. Fired up with the idea, Luke "persuades" Hugh Orde to appoint him as a new PSNI Constable. The trouble is, Luke is very big on the force part of law enforcement and soon it's not just the criminals who are afraid to walk the streets. Pretty soon, Billy and all the regular cops in the area are out of work and resorting to stripping in The Kneebreakers to earn a crust! Crime is on the agenda over in Divis Towers too; Ma has been mugged and is afraid to leave the house. She implores Da to sort out the mugger with some vigilante justice, but he declines and decides she'll just have to pay him back the money that was stolen instead. Seamy the Provo arrives with the news that a high profile American delegation on Human Rights is due to visit any day and that he'll be keeping an eye on Da to make sure he sticks to the party line that the Provos do not condone punshiment beatings. However, when Ma finds the mugger in her sitting room (turns out he's a member of Cal's gaelic team), it's not a great time for the yanks to visit...
Da discovers that life's not easy when you're a member of Sinn Fein. One minute you are chucked out of the movement for feeling up Bairbre de Brun and the next you're elected President of the Party unopposed. Of course the dramatic turnaround of the party bosses might have something to do with Da stumbling on the minutes of a meeting held in the seventies that Gerry doesn't want anybody to see. Meanwhile over in East Belfast, Uncle Andy, Big Mervyn and Sammy hit on a plan to burn down the Kneebreakers for the insurance money. The problem is a lack of insurance...
Red Hand Luke has a major falling out with his friend the mad, bad and dangerous to know, Pastor Begley. So when Begbie approaches Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn with a plan for a "surprise" birthday party for Luke (six months before the actual date!) alarm bells start to ring... Da's gets a surprise as well, when Ma comes back from marriage guidance classes and declares that she loves him and kisses him passionately. But will Da turn the other cheek when Ma totals his new X-Type Jaguar?
Dympna feels Billy is not paying her the attention she deserves. She then puts Ma's advice into action in an attempt to make things better. Only trouble is, this advice is to make Billy jealous. Things, of course, go wrong and she ends up getting attention from someone else. Meanwhile, Da heads off to Lough Derg on a pilgrimage but why is he taking a photograph of himself and Ma before he goes? He ends up in Las Vegas and in Ma's bad books as well. Ma has had enough, takes her own advice and ends up in bed with Uncle Andy. Is this the end for Ma and Da?
When Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn take to the airwaves with their new radio station, Loyalist FM, Dympna can't get a moment of peace. Deciding that drastic times call for drastic measures, she hits the streets in search of a job! Uncle Andy thinks all his Christmases have come at once when Dympna returns and announces that she has a fantastic new job selling "Pure Lagan Water" and that she has to move to Canada for two years. Billy is less than keen to leave his cushy job in the PSNI, but deciding that being with Dympna is more important he makes the ultimate sacrifice and becomes a Mountie! Uncle Andy is devastated at the news and tries every trick in the book (including feigning a heart attack!) to get his nephew to stay and continue to support him. Is this the end of life as we know it in Orange Terrace? It seems not - the entire thing has been a wind-up on the part of Dympna and Billy as they head off for a fortnight's holiday in Marbella!
Red Hand Luke launches a personal quest to find the "one true religion". His criteria is undemanding - his chosen faith must allow violence and drinking! As Luke careers wildly from being a Jew, to a Muslim, a Hare Krishna and then a Catholic bishop, Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn are in fear of not only their sanity but also of circumcision, head shaving, forced confessions, and sworn abstinence from alcohol as well! Over in West Belfast, Da is listening to Gerry Adams new tape "Befriend a Prod" and is dismissive of his leader until he learns there is £5,000 bounty for the person who signs up the first Protestant member of Sinn Fein...
With Gerry Adams set to retire, will Da be the new head of Sinn Fein? Dympna knows very little about politics but then suddenly knows too much.
Unemployed Da and Cal take different approaches to finding work, while Uncle Andy sets up his own radio station to rival Radio Ulster.
Da is the victim of a hit-and-run accident. Pastor Begbie is concerned about the past coming back to haunt him.
Uncle Andy invites a dying Catholic priest back to his house to spend his last Christmas. Has Andy finally changed his sectarian ways?
Da is making his 'Secret History of The Troubles'. Uncle Andy has to make a statue of Pastor Begbie.
Pastor Begbie reveals "The Curse of the Begbies". They all die at age 50!
Uncle Andy discovers he has a daughter. And she's from Derry not Londonderry.
The big event of the year was not Covid but when everyone gathered in the Knee Breakers for the reading of Big Mervyn’s will. And Mervyn left a surprise gift!
Da and Ma are both delighted to discover that they are not legally married! Uncle Andy and Begbie make a Tik Tok video.
Pastor Begbie is seeing double when his twin brother Pavel turns up. And he's a Polish priest!
Uncle Andy is kidnapped and there's a huge ransom demand. But is Uncle Andy worth a hundred grand?
Northern Ireland is in turmoil as Carson’s statue goes missing in centenary year. But who could have taken it? Da ends up in jail. Could this be Ma’s best Christmas ever?
Uncle Andy gets his Covid jab, but it has a very unusual side effect. He is now smart, sophisticated and cultured. More amazingly he has also become completely non-sectarian!
Da and Cal have been given one job. They must get an old Republican to the veterans night safe, well and alive. The only problem is they think they have accidentally killed him...
Pastor Begbie gives Uncle Andy money to place a bet for him. Andy is on his way to the bookies when he is suddenly abducted by aliens and beamed up to their spacecraft...
Da fakes his own death to cash in on life insurance. Uncle Andy's worst nightmare comes true when his dole is stopped, and he gets a new job as a security guard at Larne Harbour.
Da hates Kenneth Branagh's film Belfast. He is so annoyed that he decides to make his own movie to tell the truth about the Troubles, and it will be called West Belfast.
Pastor Begbie vows to find an undercover cop called Donny who pretended to be his best friend and got him put away. He doesn't know that 'Donny' was Billy without his moustache.
Dympna gets her orders from Sinn Fein. If the border poll happens, they need to make more republicans. It is time to 'go forth and multiply'. So Dympna decides she wants a baby and invites Billy upstairs. Billy can’t believe his luck. It’s not even his birthday! But then he wonders if he should tell Dympna he has secretly had the snip years ago? Billy decides that the right thing to do is to tell Dympna the truth... but not just yet!
It is Christmas Eve in Belfast and Uncle Andy is dressed up as Santa selling Christmas presents to parents for their children. But Andy is being a very bad Santa. The 'presents' are just empty boxes wrapped up in Christmas paper!
In Uncle Andy’s, Sandy announces that he is resigning as barman of the Kneebreakers. He claims to have discovered that he has special supernatural powers. He is going to start a new career as a psychic. Everyone is sceptical, especially Dympna, after it takes Sandy thirteen goes to guess her star sign.
Billy is caught being drunk on duty and is summoned to a disciplinary hearing. But he is saved by the Assistant Chief Constable, who turns out to be an old friend. Or is he?
Divis is rocked when Da announces that he has been offered a knighthood by King Charles. The news does not go down well with Uncle Andy and Pastor Begbie
The unmissable final episode. Who will die? Who will pair off?
A special chance to catch up with Northern Ireland's most famous dysfunctional family.
Da and Uncle Andy host a highly selective look back over the Give My Head Peace years, with a little help from some celebrity guests.
