After Matt walks in on Joan and John being intimate, Joan attempts to lead a group therapy session. Also, Jen hires a breast-feeding consultant couple, Matt and Colleen have the most enjoyable bad date ever, and Heather and Tim move to a new home with the help of a moving company that employs ex-cons.
When Matt invites Colleen to brunch with the family, he coaches her through the difficult task of connecting with them. Also, John, Matt and Greg try to prove their masculinity by cutting down a tree in Greg's backyard, Tim has an adverse reaction to espresso, and a sleep-deprived Greg has a run-in with the cops.
The siblings congratulate Greg after word spreads that he stood up to Joan for passive-aggressively questioning Jen’s parenting skills. Also, Chad insists on having one last meal with Colleen’s grandmother before heading off to jail, Matt and Greg discourage Tim from beating John at a round of golf and Sophia gets a peanut stuck up her nose.
Tim and Heather unintentionally make things incredibly awkward for Tyler when he brings his gorgeous new girlfriend, Clementine, to meet the family. Also, Matt and Colleen are caught canoodling at the office by their obnoxious co-worker, Will, Jen and Greg vow not to become germaphobes, and John buys Sophia a cell phone behind her parents' backs.
When Matt and Colleen catch Chad trying to kidnap her beloved pup, Princess, Chad uses the opportunity to pitch them his new business venture. Also, Jen and Greg try to be intimate for the first time since having a baby, Heather “breaks up” with her longtime hairstylist, Lynette, and Tim ruins Samantha’s birthday party.
When Jen and Greg interview potential nannies for Lark, they find it difficult to find one they trust. Also, Tim, Matt and Greg go camping, Heather suspects Matt bought Colleen earrings with money she loaned him, and John makes a wooden puppet for Lark that the family has more fun playing with than she does.
Joan invites their recently widowed neighbor, Gary Timpkins, to Thanksgiving dinner, during which everyone has a bad reaction to Colleen’s cauliflower dish. Also, Tim and Sophia try to find a last-minute replacement for Heather’s spoiled turkey, Jen and Greg debate who to name as Lark’s godparent and John takes Samantha to the Harvest Festival, where she sneaks into the corn maze with her boyfriend, Aiden.
When Jen cuts her finger and Greg takes her to the hospital, they finally have the first quality alone time they’ve had in months. Also, John takes Samantha and Sophia to a restaurant where everything is named after feelings, Heather gives Tim a sexy anniversary gift, and Sophia is punished after Heather hears her swearing.
Greg is still bitter over an accident that sidelined a competitive game of ping-pong he and Matt had started years ago, so they decide to finally settle the score. Also, Heather questions herself after urging Tim to get a vasectomy, Jen is stressed about returning to work, and Joan learns her credit card has been stolen after strange packages start arriving.
Colleen joins John and his Air Force buddies for his annual tradition of dirty Christmas caroling. Also, Joan tries to hijack Lark’s first Christmas from Jen and Greg, Samantha sneaks out with her friends and is caught when a photo of her and a mall Santa is posted online, and Tyler announces his plans for college,
Heather and Tim finally find another couple they actually like to socialize with, but Sophia and their son don’t hit it off. Also, Greg insists he and Jen take separate flights in case something happens to the plane, Matt and John take Gary out to meet women, and Matt’s ex-wife, Bonnie, surprises him with a visit
Greg joins Colleen's gym and goes overboard gearing up to work out. Also, Heather and Jen host a secret garage sale that directly competes with one Joan is having, Tyler and Samantha throw a party while Heather and Tim are away for the weekend, and the family has second thoughts about eating lobster for dinner.
When Greg and Jen slip away for a couples massage, the afternoon doesn’t turn out to be as relaxing as they expected. Also, Tim, Heather and the kids have a contest to see who can accumulate the least trash, Colleen asks Matt to illustrate a children’s book she is writing, and Jen helps Joan and John with their will.
When Tyler and Clementine go to a guitar store, Tyler gets uncomfortable when the attractive salesman, Ian, repeatedly hits on her. Also, Tim’s tattoo artist, Lois makes a spelling error on a tattoo he got as a Valentine’s Day surprise for Heather, Matt’s plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day with Colleen doesn’t go as well as he hoped, and Greg and Jen discuss whether they should have another baby
When John starts feeling old, he attempts to make himself look younger, much to the dismay of his family. Also, Heather worries that Sophia’s piano recital will be a disaster; Jen, Greg and Lark go to an over-the-top birthday party full of overachieving parents who make them panic about getting Lark into a good preschool; and Matt meets Colleen’s mother, Mia, for the first time.
After realizing that Sophia is growing up faster than he’d like, John buys himself a pet, but it doesn’t get along well with Joan. Also, Heather accidentally sends Tyler a sexy text message, Jen and Greg try to help Samantha win her boyfriend back and Heather and Jen console Colleen and Matt over their break-up.
John and Joan disagree with their neighbors, Jerry and Pam, about who gets to use the hot tub when new property lines are drawn. Also, Greg and Jen invite their exterminator and his wife over for dinner, Matt and Colleen make an effort to be friends, and Tim is terrified to perform minor surgery on John.
Tim thinks wearing a Cinderella dress during March Madness is good luck, so he refuses to take it off in hopes his alma mater will win. Also, Greg fantasizes about what to write in a birthday card for his boss, Tyler goes to prom and must withstand unsolicited advice from his parents and grandparents, and Jen sets Matt up on a blind date with her coworker, Dougie.
John and Joan reveal a shocking secret they've kept from their kids for 35 years. Also, Greg quits his job after creating a public funding campaign for his own invention, Heather and Tim try to make up for missing Samantha's Student of the Month Ceremony at school, and Matt's plan to make a big announcement at his and Colleen's book party keeps getting delayed.
When Tim accidentally shaves off a huge chunk of eyebrow before an important photoshoot, he hopes Jen and Colleen's grooming expertise can fix it. Also, when Gigi passes away, Greg makes an anonymous donation with the money she left him, but later realizes he wants to be recognized for it; John learns firsthand what Gigi's life was like at the nursing home; and Joan honors her mother's memory with unusual jewelry.
When Colleen teaches Matt her frugal ways, he gets hooked when he realizes how much saving money turns her on. Also, Tim attempts to fire Heather from her receptionist position at his office, John tries to break Sophia's fear of flying by taking her for a quick flight on a small plane, and Jen plans a quiet affair for Lark's first birthday, until the family takes over the celebration.
When Joan's creative writing teacher, Professor Sinclair Wilde, praises her work, John assumes it is because he has a crush on her. Also, Tyler and Clementine invite Matt and Colleen over for an awkward dinner party; Jen tries to hide it from Greg when Lark takes her first steps while he's away on a business trip; and Colleen, Heather and Jen take Dougie out for ladies night when she realizes she might be gay.
John's plan to encourage Samantha to skip her ballet class and take up boxing with his trainer, Troy, behind her mother Heather's back has unexpected consequences. Also, Jen tries to discreetly seek a second opinion when Tim tells her she needs tonsil surgery; Joan constantly scares Matt by hiding spiders around him; and Greg grows a wiry beard that irritates Jen.
When John decides to try out for "Survivor," Tim gets jealous and attempts to undermine his audition tape. Also, Colleen confesses she can't swim when she and Matt discuss Hawaii as a honeymoon destination; Jen pretends to get hooked on meditation so she can use the time to play cell phone games; and Heather gives Sophia the "sex" talk.
When Colleen goes wedding dress shopping with her future in-laws, she must deal with Joan's unfiltered opinions. Also, when Clementine feels she's overstaying her welcome at the Hughes house, she starts being extra nice to Tim who takes it the wrong way; Greg gets frustrated when Jen can't stay awake after a romantic date night; and John and Matt attempt to build a vanity for Sophia after John rips up the directions.
When Greg insists on being Matt's best man at his wedding, Matt is forced to reveal his secret about their plans. Also, Colleen refers Jen to her aggressive bikini waxer in order to get a referral discount; Joan tries to prove to Heather that Sophia is ready for a little independence; and Clementine gets a job at a car rental office, leaving Tyler home alone all day.
When Greg and Jen hire Allie, a private chef, to cook for them on Valentine's Day, the evening isn't as romantic as they had hoped. Also, Matt and Colleen try to adopt a dog from Ruth, a judgmental animal advocate; John and Joan attempt to buy a classic car from dealership owner Gavin; and Sophia gets a necklace from a boy for Valentine's Day, to the chagrin of Heather and Tim.
When Tim gets two tickets to the GRAMMY Awards from his rock star patient, Charlie Puth, he brings Samantha to the show to impress her. Also, Matt and Colleen realize how out of control planning a wedding can get when they meet with their offbeat wedding planner, Ned Gawler; John and Joan join Facebook so they can stay connected to the kids; and Heather manically tries to save Sophia's beloved goldfish from dying.
Dinner gets awkward for Jen and Matt when they find themselves alone without Greg and Colleen. Also, Lark accidentally locks out Greg and Jen from the house, prompting Greg to install a complicated home automation system; Heather and Tim try to sneak wine into an ice skating show to get out of paying at the venue; and John and Joan agree to an impromptu wedding after Colleen mentions that she's an ordained minister.
Greg stirs up an old family feud when he finds money he accused Matt of stealing from him when they were younger. Also, Joan takes offense when Heather writes off her forgetfulness as "old age"; Colleen confronts a mechanic she believes is sexist; and Tim makes the kids go through an impromptu earthquake drill to see if they could figure out how to get home without money or cell service.
Greg becomes frazzled when Lark rebuffs him and only wants to be held by Jen. Also, Heather refuses to get the reading glasses she desperately needs; Colleen introduces Matt to her eccentric father so he can get his blessing for their upcoming nuptials; and when Cousin Mikey goes through a tough breakup, Joan tries to set him up on a date.
Matt and Colleen have a disastrous time babysitting Lark while Jen is at work. Also, Sophia is far from pleased when John buys her a butterfly kit for her birthday; Tim and Heather rehash an old fight from the early days of their relationship; and Greg gives Samantha questionable advice about being an entrepreneur for her school project.
When Greg and Jen take Lark on her first airplane trip, their parental skills are upstaged by another couple travelling with their baby. Also, Joan and John attempt to smuggle their dog, Tank, onto the plane; Matt and Colleen miss their flights when they accept travel vouchers for airline credits; and Heather and Tim run into countless obstacles when trying to get to the airport on time.
In the season finale, when Colleen and Matt miss all the flights to Mexico for their wedding, they question if they will ever get married. Also, Greg and Jen get into trouble when they share a cookie with a fellow plane passenger who has a severe allergic reaction to it, Joan and John rush their dog to the vet after he swallows Matt's wedding ring, and the Hughes family moves into Tyler and Clementine's tiny house when a fire breaksout in their kitchen.
When the entire Hughes family moves into John and Joan's home after their kitchen is destroyed, their presence creates chaos for Joan. Also, Matt and Colleen are set to receive a huge monetary settlementfrom Colleen's fall off the motel balcony on their wedding night; John tries to get Sophia back on track when she starts misbehaving; Tyler and Clementine make a surprise announcement to the family; and Jen and Greg attempt to persuade Lark to get rid of her pacifier.
When Jen invites her boss, Paul, and his wife over to dinner to impress him, she and Greg can't remember his wife's name and scramble to avoid embarrassment. Also, Tim urges Tyler to start dating; Matt ends up having a nightmare about parenting after he and Colleen discuss having children; and Joan grows increasingly stressed about Heather living with her.
When Heather finds a map to a time capsule she buried with her brothers as kids, they all set out to find it and dig it up. Also, Jen learns she has a low car service rating so she books rides across the city to charm drivers and increase her score; Joan joins her neighbor's poker game in an effort to win an unusual prize; and John finally gets hearing aids but they aren't having the effect he was hoping for.
When Tim and Heather go to an expensive dinner to celebrate their anniversary, they are determined to finish every bite of their pricey 20-course meal. Also, Jen and Greg try to quickly potty-train Lark before her first day of preschool; Tyler gets jealous of the attention Clementine is getting at work; and Matt and Samantha team up for a “Middle Child Day” and go to a trapeze school.
When Heather tries to become Tyler's cool best friend, things take an awkward turn. Also, Jen and Greg get their first overnight away from Lark; Matt and Colleen regret returning their wedding presents for cash when they learn what John and Joan hid inside their gift; and Tim goes overboard when keeping a watchful eye on Samantha and her boyfriend.
When Jen and Greg hire Clementine as a part-time nanny for Lark and invite her to join them for dinner, the waitress mistakes Jen for Lark's grandmother. Also, Tyler's new girlfriend turns out to be Sophia's fourth grade teacher, John hires a questionable company to set up an escape room in his house, and Matt grows frustrated with Colleen when she blames a valet for stealing her lottery ticket.
When Sophia asks Matt and Colleen about having children, an animated sequence featuring the whole family as farm animals reveals that they have been struggling to have a baby. Also, Jen and Greg's new neighbors aren't as nice as they initially seem; Heather interferes with Tim's hiring process at the office; and the whole family surprises Joan at her book reading, to her chagrin.
When Jen sings in Tyler's band, she gets caught up in the excitement and creates an awkward situation for him. Also, John and Greg decide to brew beer together, Matt donates one of his paintings to a silent auction for Tim's medical charity, and Heather becomes jealous of Joan's friendship with a classmate.
When Greg and Jen's crazy neighbors invite them to a party, Greg makes up a lie so they can get out of attending. Also, Matt and Colleen discover they need to give up some necessities to increase their chances of having a child; a delivery mix-up results in John and Joan accidentally receiving the fancy Japanese toilet Tim ordered for himself; and Sophia decides to shave her legs.
When Matt drives Greg to a job interview, they encounter a few bizarre obstacles that jeopardize getting him there on time. Also, with John's help, Tyler listens in on a therapy session between Clementine and Joan to see if she still has feelings for him; Tim bribes Samantha to attend online traffic school in his place; and Jen tries to convince Colleen and Tim to join her boycott of family get-togethers.
When Sophia feels like she is no longer the cutest kid in the Short family, she tries frantically to regain her status. Also, Joan gives Jen a beautiful necklace, forgetting she already gave it to Heather for her Sweet 16, and now she has to get it back; Greg tries to fit in with his new young coworkers but takes things too far; and Colleen and Tim bond when he helps her administer the hormone injections for her IVF treatment.
When Heather tells Sophia she has to get rid of her stuffed animals, Sophia stages a musical with them to see if she can change her mother’s mind. Also, Colleen babysits Lark, and Jen comes home to find her dolled up in Colleen’s old pageant dress; Joan’s bike is stolen from the driveway so she enlists Matt, Greg and Tim to join her in tracking it down; and Tyler and Clementine get John’s help to sell their homemade beef jerky at the farmer’s market.
Jen and Greg go to great lengths to find the perfect babysitter for Lark. Also, John becomes testy when shopping for a mattress and Joan realizes the unusual source of his aggravation; Heather learns information about Samantha's boyfriend that she isn't sure she should reveal; and Matt believes he may have a history with Colleen's sister after he meets her for the first time.
When Jen is offered a custom painting as payment from a hot new artist, she is thrilled until she sees the final product. Also, Sophia convinces Matt and Colleen to use her idea for a children's book but it isn't a new concept; Tyler and Clementine advertise their tiny house as a rental property; and John and Joan fall prey to a sleazy IRS scam.
Tyler and Tim realize they are in over their heads when Heather tasks them with buying a bra for Samantha. Joan asks Jen to submit a recipe for the family cookbook, prompting Jen to steal one from her favorite restaurant. John gets Samantha and Sophia hooked on gambling while babysitting for them. Colleen and Matt obsess about their surrogate’s unhealthy lifestyle.
Jen and Greg find out a surprising piece of news. Sophia wants to get a second piercing in her ear, to the dismay of Heather and Tim. Colleen and Matt send out a video thank you message for their wedding gifts that irritates the family. John takes a modeling job but is horrified when he finds out his image is used alongside a product for the elderly.
Tim and Heather plan a surprise birthday party for Samantha, but the night takes an unexpected turn when she doesn't come home alone. Matt and Colleen learn their surrogate can no longer carry their baby. John and Joan decide to learn Spanish for their next adventure. Jen and Greg have to find a way to keep their secret from the family.
When the Short family arrives at their vacation resort in the Yucatan, their accommodations aren’t quite what they expected. Also, Heather is ridiculously overprotective of Sophia during the family activities; Jen and Greg discover that Matt and Colleen have been duping everyone; and John and Joan get separated from their tour group in the jungle.
When Colleen and Matt try to impress a potential birth mother, they have a hard time competing against another rich, swanky couple. Also, Jen’s pregnancy takes a toll on Greg; Heather lets John take credit for her housekeeping while Joan recovers from knee surgery; and Tim arranges for Tyler to record a demo at a friend’s studio
When Colleen and Matt learn they may not be allowed into the delivery room for the birth of the baby they are planning to adopt, they try to convince Morgan to have the baby at home. Heather is thrilled when Samantha has a falling-out with a friend who was a bad influence. Jen thinks Greg bought her a beautiful present only to discover it wasn’t for her. John encourages Tim to see a cardiologist.
After John befriends the janitor at Sophia’s school, Mr. Sissel, John learns that Sophia and her friends believe a childish rumor about him. Also, Heather pushes Tim and Joan to go for walks together while recovering from their health issues; Matt and Colleen try to tame Dougie’s bad habits; and Jen is desperate to not go into labor during Lark’s birthday party
Greg scrambles to find Lark when he loses her at the hospital while visiting Jen and the new baby. Also, Heather offers to help Sophia with her math homework but can’t figure out the new teaching method; Matt enrolls his adopted son, Lucas (Vivaan Bisoi), in a father/son art class; and Colleen organizes a family photo shoot and glams Joan up for the occasion
Heather and Tim get an emergency text from Samantha to pick her up in the middle of the night, and they try not to freak out so she'll still think they're the "cool" parents. Also, at the circus, Tim endures an embarrassing public situation; John accidentally walks in on Jen breastfeeding the baby; and Greg and Matt get competitive over their children's accomplishments.
Matt and Colleen treat Jen and Greg to a fancy dinner as a 'thank you' for writing a recommendation letter, and Jen and Greg are mortified when they realize they never wrote it. Sophia asks Tim and Heather to get her a pig. Clementine wants Tyler to stop going to his paediatrician for medical care now that he is an adult. John's parents decide to get a divorce.
Jen and Greg hire Edna—the cleaning lady who has worked for John and Joan for years—but Jen is horrified at her strange habits. Matt, Heather and Greg race to find the valuable souvenir pens John brought them when they were kids. Lucas is terrified of Joan. When Tim invites Matt over to watch a sporting event on television, it takes a weird turn.
When Matt helps Grandpa Mort efficiently book a family trip to the Bahamas, the family is super impressed, so Greg reserves a cabana at the pool to outdo Matt. Tim saves the life of a fellow hotel guest. Matt and Colleen take an excursion to a private island. John learns some astonishing news about his father.
When Tim and Heather realize that being grandparents is very far off in the future, they decide to have another baby. Joan gets frustrated when she keeps getting tasked with watching the grandkids. Jen and Greg decide to look for a new house. Matt gets a job offer in Germany, which is problematic for Colleen and Lucas.