It was the mid-90s and parents everywhere were FREAKING OUT about Mortal Kombat. “Think of the children!” they wailed. “They might wander into an arcade, innocent and wide-eyed, pop a quarter into Mortal Kombat machine, and the next thing you know they’d be… SPELLING THINGS WITH UNNECESSARY K’s!!!” Well, that never really came to pass, and the so-called “violent” video games of the 90s are now quaint relics. We think we saw somebody get throttled with their own intestines in a Paw Patrol mobile game the other day. But hey - at least we got this dumb-as-hell movie out of it! Shang Tsung is having a tournament and has invited all your favorite characters: Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Liu Kang, and some guy named Art. Raiden was unable to attend, so Christopher Lambert was the natural choice to fill in as the Japanese Thunder God. Everything that kids liked about the game is here. Except for the blood. Well, and the gory fatalities. But there’s plenty of jokes involving luggage! Those must have only been available on the Atari Jaguar version… Please join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Noob Saibot for Mortal Kombat!