The HMS Space Planet - crewed by a hapless bunch of very dodgy aliens led by a certain Captain Monster - is on a mission to cover the entire surface of a distant M-Class planet in hard-wearing carpet. But the captain is drunk and the client seems extremely unhappy with the order. Meanwhile, Admiral Traynors - boss of Federation Carpets - gives Captain Monster an ultimatum.
First Officer Alta Vista and Lt. Gladys fly down to the surface of the purple planet, but Alta Vista seems more than a little shocked at what they find. Meanwhile, Captain Monster re-creates a classic nineteen-eighties pop video and Admiral Traynors has some worrying news about Lt. Gladys. Also, what's the 1950's robot doing in the captain's bedroom?
The HMS Space Planet is hit by a meteor which punches a hole in the oxygen tank. With all the ship's oxygen leaking out into space, the crew must each decide how to spend their final 24 hours, and Captain Monster naturally makes a visit to the Sheep Deck.
Hooter brings a small ugly alien onto the sheep, and it turns into a swan. Soon, the ship is filled with thousands of swans and Monster's solution is to go into the swan business and try and sell them.
Special extended episode. Lt. Gladys buys a load of second-hand tapestries and Captain Monster says the best way to sell them is to use the ship's time machine to go back to Tudor times. But Alta Vista is accused of being a witch and Hooter gets into trouble for wearing the wrong hat.
Hooter starts up his own TV shopping channel, specialising in selling carpets. But his poor grasp of broadcasting regulations lands him in hot water. Meanwhile, Captain Monster proudly shows off his latest method of excruciating self-torture.