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All Seasons

Season 1

  • S01E01 Episode 1

    • September 2, 2003
    • Spike TV

    Cast members arrive and are introduced to "The Lap of Luxury" before they participate in a "These Drawers Aren't Yours" pampering competition to decide which castmate gets which bedroom.

  • S01E02 Episode 2

    • September 9, 2003
    • Spike TV

    The first "Riches to Rags" eviction ceremony takes place and the housemates say goodbye to their first member.

  • S01E03 Episode 3

    • September 16, 2003
    • Spike TV

    Castmates participate in a "Battle of the Sexes" pampering competition, with the losers having to wear outrageous costumes for the rest of the day and ordered to clean the house.

  • S01E04 Episode 4

    • September 23, 2003
    • Spike TV

    Ashleigh confesses to Matt her crush on host Ralph Garman while Matt tries to build an alliance with housemates against Ashleigh. Cast members participate in the immunity competition "Talent Show," judged by former "Survivor 2" competitor Jerri Manthey.

  • S01E05 Episode 5

    • September 30, 2003
    • Spike TV

    During the "Sumo Slam" pampering competition, Matt accidentally sends Dr. Pat to the hospital and the eviction ceremony offers one cast member an amazing opportunity.

  • S01E06 Episode 6

    • October 7, 2003
    • Spike TV

    Molly's boyfriend surprises her with a visit while handcuffed to Matt, and cast members participate in the "Money, Money, Money, Honey" pampering competition where players are paired up, handcuffed and dipped in honey -- then forced to roll around in dollar bills.

  • S01E07 Episode 7

    • October 14, 2003
    • Spike TV

    In a surprise twist, an ousted cast member returns to the house for the remainder of the competition and the housemates participate in the pampering competition "Meal Not Quite Fit For A King," where they are forced to eat all sorts of disgusting things.

  • S01E08 Episode 8

    • October 28, 2003
    • Spike TV

    All of the former housemates return as a "Jury of Peers," where they can ask questions and/or confront Matt and the remaining two housemates -- helping them to decide their vote and select the ultimate winner of "Lap of Luxury" as the series comes to a conclusion. Includes an interview with Matt, mixed with clips from the series, in which Matt discusses his experience, feelings, and sudden popularity and fame.

Season 2

  • S02E01 On With the Schmo

    • June 15, 2004
    • Spike TV

    The second season premiere introduces the new Joe Schmo and Jane Schmo - Tim and Ingrid. They quickly meet their new castmates, but several of them are quickly tossed in a parody of how "ethnic" people are usually the first tossed from such shows. A gift-giving ceremony allows all of the suitors to give a gift to Austin and Piper, the "bachelor" and "bachelorette" of the show. Austin and Piper then, in turn, give their own gifts. A game called "Lap Dance for Love" gives Ingrid and Tim the first hint that they're not on any boring reality show. The first-ever Falcon Twist reveals that a girl will be eliminated and that the suitors are supposedly also all playing for a potential $100,000 - something they can never tell to either Piper or Austin. Rita, the drunk, is evicted in the first Pearl Necklace ceremony, as Austin tells her that he's looking for someone a little more serious. However, all eyes are on Ingrid when she starts asking two of the actors if they had rehearsed their speeches to Austin, saying that it's like she's on "The Truman Show."

  • S02E02 A Bottle of Red, a Bottle of White

    • June 22, 2004
    • Spike TV

    After the events of the previous week, the show's staff has to decide whether to keep Ingrid on the show. They move forward and have Ambrosia, the "bitch," voice her opinion on Ingrid's "paranoia." Ingrid promises to tone it down, but says that a part of her will still be suspicious. Bryce tries his "hypnotism" on Tim and T.J., then acts hurt when they make fun of him. The Falcon Twist reveals that there will be competitions throughout the program for exotic vacations. The first is "awarded" to Ambrosia in a game called Strike a Pose. Later, the suitors are all taken to a supposed vineyard, giving Ernie a chance to show off his knowledge. The suitors are paired together to crush grapes - Austin shows favoritism to Cammy, while Piper spends time with Tim. Bryce expresses his irritation at Ingrid's being with Tim, while Eleanor has a major breakdown over what she feels is Austin's unfairness. Ernie is eliminated in the first Flame of Love eviction ceremony; and Ingrid appears to whisper something into Tim's ear.

  • S02E03 The Crisis

    • June 28, 2004
    • Spike TV

    During the staff meeting, the cast and crew discuss Ingrid's growing doubts. Eleanor loses her locket from Austin, and Tim concocts a plan to "find" it. As Ambrosia turns up the bitch dial, Bryce gets creepier when his frog, Everett, is returned to him. The group plays a game loaded with sexual-innunendo called Taste My Treats. After a mistake by Derek, Tim wins by feeding Piper a taco. The two go on a restaurant date, in which Piper gets to know the "real Tim" and the two share an off-camera kiss. Gerald (the producers actually) organizes a surprise birthday party for Tim, who is celebrating his 29th birthday. When Cammy tells Ingrid aside and tells her about a sex video she was supposed on, Ingrid's doubts come to a head. As we get a montage of the various doubts, included never-before revealed information, the producers seem to conclude that they're screwed. The Pearl Necklace Eviction Ceremony is left in a cliffhanger.

  • S02E04 Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

    • July 5, 2004
    • Spike TV

    Following the cliffhanger of the previous episode, the Pearl Necklace eviction ceremony comes an end. Ingrid is given a Pearl Necklace and Ambrosia is tossed. Derek then "slips" and tells Omarosa to take her walk down the Last Chance for Love Trail of Tears and then gives a litany of every fake thing about the program that Ingrid has noted. She is invited to take a script and come on the show as an actress for $100,000 --- an offer which she accepts. In the Falcon Twist, Piper and Austin are asked to choose the door and then from the door comes Amanda, the new Jane Schmo. The Schmos play a game ported from the "original British version of Last Chance for Love" in which Gerald wins a Green Valley Spa trip and some private time with Piper. Piper's "Mother" and "Father" come on the show, which the Father as a real hard-line jerk. The male suitors are asked to do crazy things at dinner, and those that don't will have personal secrets revealed about them. Later, they are all hooked up to a lie-detector test, with Piper's parents giving him immunity from eviction because they feel that he would be the least likely to take advantage of their daughter. Bryce's wick is left unlit and he takes his walk down the Trail of Tears, but not before getting one last hug from Piper.

  • S02E05 Porked and Beans

    • July 12, 2004
    • Spike TV

    The suitors are told to choose who they believe among them is least compatible with Austin and with Piper. Gerald is chosen least compatible with Piper and Eleanor is chosen least compatible with Austin. That means they each get some alone time with the respective bachelor and bachelorette - that is, until "tragedy" strikes. A Falcon Twist is interrupted for the "news" that Ingrid's grandfather died. As such, weepy Eleanor loses her alone-time to Ingrid. The suitors all take part in a game called Love is a Battlefield in which they must perform better than models at outrageous tasks for trips. Tim gets the dirty-talk of his life from Cammy, but it isn't enough to beat the apparently X-Rated performance of the models. Piper's supposed parents return, except now they're playing the roles of Austin's parents. The girls are given tasks to perform and all complete them except Cammy. Her Porked and Beans soft-core video is played, but Austin tosses Ingrid, saying that she had lied to him about her grandfather.

  • S02E06 Requiem for a Frog

    • July 19, 2004
    • Spike TV

    Austin realizes that he made a mistake in evicting Ingrid from the show when he learns that he was indeed speaking with the wrong grandfather on the phone. Ingrid is returned to the show in the new "Circle of Life" ceremony. Bryce sends another message from the sky - asking if everyone saw his last banner. It's revealed that Austin and Piper were a couple not long before the show started. After playing a game with dolls of Austin and Piper, Tim and Amanda win a double-date with not-so-happy couple. Eleanor goes super-weepy after she finds out that Austin used a coupon from her coupon book - for a foot massage from Cammy! Drama erupts during the double-date and Tim and Amanda must convince both Piper and Austin to continue with the show. Everett, Bryce's frog, is taken away from Cammy and moved to the same trailer as Montecore the falcon. One of the producers reveals that Montecore decided that Everett would be a good snack and Cammy mourns the loss of the frog, but Tim doesn't want any part of it. There's another Pearl Necklace ceremony because Ingrid returned to the show and this time Eleanor rejects Austin's offer of a Pearl Necklace, forcing a sham ceremony where the outcome is already known.

  • S02E07 Cruiser

    • July 26, 2004
    • Spike TV

    Bryce sends his final message by plane - LOOK BEHIND U and then returns to the show. Derek explains for the benefit of our Schmos that since Austin got to return Ingrid to the show, they felt it would only be fair to let Piper return Bryce. Cammy's Porked and Beans food-fetish video is played for all to see, now with special extended footage that the girls didn't get to see before. The suitors play a game called Professions of Love in which they must express their love for Austin (Romeo) or Piper (Juliet) in the best way they know how. T.J. and Cammy are selected for one-on-one dates, but then the twist comes that they're not so private after all. Throughout the dates, the other suitors say things to them by microphone and they must repeat whatever is said to them during their date. Later, Gerald reveals to Bryce what everyone had been skirting around the entire episode: that his prized frog, Everett is dead. Bryce predictably goes ballistic and lets out his anger on T.J., before finally shifting it to the falcon, Montecore. Later, Tim catches them all out of character, but the situation seems to be smoothed over. Later, Austin is given the power to eliminate of the guys in a special Pearl Necklace ceremony and chooses our very own Joe Schmo: Tim.

  • S02E08 T.J. Needs T.P.

    • August 2, 2004
    • Spike TV

    Tim, staying a nearby hotel, is told by Derek that he has been asked back on the show due to another male suitor committing a rules violation. When he returns, it's revealed that Bryce could not control his anger against the falcon Montecore and it was found dead. He is taken away from the mansion, but not before a sad protest that he did not kill the falcon and was only interested in a game of water. The suitors play another sexually charged game called Bound by Love and then take dance lessons all chained together. T.J. experiences major diarrhea and when he goes for a change of underwear, Gerald finds that T.J. has hidden his aquasocks. Without these, he's been left with sponge-bathing for the past four days. The two participate in a dance-off and the girls agree that Gerald gave the better performance and that T.J. will go home in that night's Double Trouble eviction ceremony. At the ceremony, Austin evicts Cammy, saying that he's sorry. Piper decides to evict Gerald and Gerald protests with T.J., but Derek says that their "dance-off" was not an official function. Derek then reveals a special Falcon Twist (sans Montecore, although all are supposed to pretend the bird's still there): that Austin and Piper are considering rekindling their romance.

  • S02E09 Finale

    • August 10, 2004
    • Spike TV

    After a brief recap of past show events, viewers witness the finale of Joe Schmo 2. Everyone remaining is given some final time to make their case with Austin and Piper before the next elimination and Ingrid tries to make her case by presenting Austin with a resume complete with cover letter. Tim and Amanda are tricked when they're placed in limos thinking they're heading home, but it turns out that Austin and Piper are inside. Both must do some fast explaining to Austin and Piper after a Falcon Twist reveals that they had also been playing for money. Later, they dress up as their own cousins to find out what Austin and Piper really think of them, but hoax is revealed during a game of badminton. Things come to a head in the Last Chance for Love "promise ceremony" when the big deception is finally revealed.

Season 3

  • S03E01 The Bounty Begins

    • January 8, 2013
    • Spike TV

    In the Season 3 premiere, Chase believes he's signed on for a reality show that puts him in a competition to become a bounty hunter, but his "opponents" are actually improv actors portraying stereotypes.

  • S03E02 A Date With Lady Justice

    • January 8, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase's loyalty is tested after an alarming revelation, while Lorenzo Lamas gets onto the banana hammock business.

  • S03E03 Schmo in the Wild

    • January 15, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase gets bloodied and sent to the hospital after a challenge goes awry.

  • S03E04 Say Hey to Ray Ray

    • January 22, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase steps up to assist Lavernius when he decides to reveal his secret to the group. Later, Chase's resolve is tested via snakes, drugs and female breasts; and he witnesses an alarming eviction ceremony.

  • S03E05 Bring Your Convict to Work Day

    • January 29, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase is chained to a prison inmate, and the show is put in jeopardy when the convict makes a run for it.

  • S03E06 An Actor Among Us!

    • February 5, 2013
    • Spike TV

    The produces scramble to keep the show from falling apart after Chase begins suspecting a set-up.

  • S03E07 Is That a Gun in Your Pocket?

    • February 12, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase is shocked when Skylar hears a message from her dead husband; Wanda gives a lesson in frisking.

  • S03E08 Fear No Evil

    • February 19, 2013
    • Spike TV

    The cast must face their deepest fears; Chase helps Jake make a new commercial.

  • S03E09 The Rise of the Lamas

    • February 26, 2013
    • Spike TV

    A previously evicted competitor returns; Chase conquers a deep fear.

  • S03E10 The Reveal

    • March 5, 2013
    • Spike TV

    Chase goes on a spiritual journey to track down his own fugitive.