The Alfredo Boys are at it again, learning how to crack whips with the help of John "THE WHIP" Maverick. They go over how whipcracking works, the origins of it as a stage performance, and technique for actually doing it. Be warned though, whips hurt and Jason can attest to that. Don't hurt yourself or others.
Brian and Jason take a generic disposable camera with a flash, rip it open and convert it into a taser. Sincerely: don't do this. We hope you're entertained by our idiocy, but electricity is nothing to be played with. You can seriously injure or even kill yourself. Please be responsible, since we'd like to keep making this series
Brian and Jason heard that "prison spears" are a thing, so they attempt to make one using only newspaper, a pillowcase, and a kitchen spoon. WARNING: Do not attempt. Dangerous weapons are dangerous. No. Seriously. This is a weapon. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Or in prison. Or in the produce section. Sure, that melon had it coming, but you should be more forgiving than Brian and Jason. Newspapers are for reading and sometimes for lining your bird's cage. DO NOT MAKE STABBY THINGS.
Brian and Jason set out on a journey of self-discovery by forcing their brains to make sense of the chaos that is their lives, or something. It's the Ganzfeld effect! If you're asking yourself if you should have your eyes open or closed, well rest assured you will need them open. Go ahead, try this at home! Finally, this episode isn't about dangerous illegal weapons. (Although in some ways, your brain is the most dangerous weapon of them all.)
Jason's always wanted to learn how to use a butterfly knife, and it just so happens Brian has used one for years. So Brian walks Jason step by step through a basic flip open and close. BE SAFE AND ALSO DON'T DO ILLEGAL THINGS. Seriously, there are a bunch of varied regional laws concerning butterfly knives in particular. Don't play with knives and always leave a note.
Brian and Jason bring in a chainsaw artist to learn how to sculpt wood. This should probably go without saying, but chainsaws are literally designed to cut through things so they're probably pretty dangerous. Don't use one if you aren't trained or under the supervision of a professional who knows what they're doing.
Brian and Jason make cryogenic fluid by supercooling isopropyl alcohol with dry ice, and are obligated to freeze and shatter things. If for whatever reason you decide to make some psycho soup for yourself, take safety precautions and understand that this is some dangerous stuff. You definitely don't want to consume anything frozen with this stuff, you don't want to be anywhere near touching this stuff, and at the end of the day you probably just don't even want to make it.
It's sweltering in Texas, but Brian and Jason make it even hotter with thermite. Turns out volatile exothermic reactions are perfect for cooking some good old fashioned thermeat... Say, let's all thank Squarespace for making this possible! Start your free trial today at http://squarespace.com/rogue and enter offer code "ROGUE" to get 10% off your first purchase. Don't make thermite, light it, cook meat on it, look at it, or even think about it without a professional science person there to help you not die around it.
The Scam Stuff warehouse is filled to the brim with styrofoam packing materials. After Brian got bored with swimming in the foam pit like Scrooge, he demanded we get rid of all of the styrofoam specifically in such a way that would also give him primitive weapons. Obligatory: don't do crimes, know your nation & regional laws.
Jason called Brian a "nerf herder," but Brian heard "nerf hoarder." After so long he just got tired of being debased as a nerf hoarder and thought that if he's going to be accused of it, he might as well enjoy the perks of hoarding nerf products. Look into your local and state laws, don't do anything stupid or illegal. At the end of the day, anything shaped like a gun will be treated like a gun. Stay safe!
You would think Brian would be pretty knowledgeable about beer having hosted a show for almost 10 years about getting beer for free, but Rubio knew something had to be done when he saw Brian constantly interrupting a bartender with, "YOUR PRODUCT IS SWILL," and "I DEMAND ANOTHER, BARSERVENT!" He just kept throwing dirty nickels down the bar trying to land them in patron's drinks, it was really uncalled for.
Brian's "friend" hacked Jason's LotR Online account on first guess with "youshallnotpassword" and then "convinced" "Brian," who is totally not his own friend, to spearhead an episode on password security so that Jason can go back to securely hobbit frolicking or whatever else you're supposed to do in that game.
Trever left us to travel the world so that he could be trained a lost art in forgotten tongues. He scaled snow-covered crests and traversed ancient underground labyrinths in search of the gatekeepers. It was only after finding these Chosen Few, after many months of harrowing exploration, did he come to know the One Truth. Just outside the Temple of Exile, a place and time for which Trever knew he could never return, the eldest Few lay weak on his death bed. In his final moments, he confided in Trever what would become the last words he would ever speak. He leaned over and gravely whispered in his ear, "Old fashioned... jello shots."
Most people don't know this, but Jason was the two time back-to-back copycat world champion. He used to be able to mimic languages that hadn't been invented yet! But that all changed with the digital revolution. Suddenly people weren't so impressed with a kid from the burbs with a mouth like a mirror now that a computer could do it too, and with higher fidelity. It's been a hard road but he's finally at a place where he can talk about that experience, and maybe... even have a machine repeat him while he does it.
Brian and Jason just kept yelling "KRAV MAGA!" while walking up and down populated streets in Austin until a qualified professional offered to teach them if they would just stop shouting. Should go without saying, yet here we are: don't be a jerk, use the system to defend yourself and don't just go attacking people.
So Rubio had some time on his hands, and German beer in them, so he concocted a devious scheme to perfectly re-create past Beerists-Modern Rogue episodes down to everybody wearing the exact same clothes, sporting the same beard progressions, all against the warehouse in as much disarray and just as disheveled as it was four months ago -- but this time, they have the German beer to drink.
=== [ pair_of_normal_rogues_s1e01.mkv ] === summary: This week on Pair of Normal Rogues, Brian and Jason investigate a haunted wizard tower built on sacred land. There's something off about the caretakers of the tower, have these paranormal events driven them mad? ... or are these accounts of the supernatural just a product of their madness?
Brian opened up the command console, typed in the code 'smurfme' which turned all the weapons blue, but then the computer turned off in the middle of a save, which they really warn you not to do, and it un-digitized all of the weapons. So what better to do with a surplus of extraordinarily blue weapons, than learn how to defend yourself against them.
We actually looked into getting a buckler just for everyday use so Brian could finally protect his hands, unfortunately Anthony and Bryant are all too familiar of Brian's reputation so they cornered the market in advance. Their one stipulation was to sit front row for another Brian and Jason duel, this time playing for keeps. (keeping the buckler, that is)
INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM -- NIGHT We see Jason standing eager, faced towards a wall. Bundles of newspaper structure the room, stalagmites of old media. Looking closer we notice he's face-to-face with a poster which appears to be crudely taped to a full-body mirror. There's an uncomfortable silence. CUT TO: over-the-shoulder, the poster is J. Jonah Jameson and the eyes are torn out. Jason's eyes are perfectly positioned in the reflection. He grabs at the poster and sheers a wedge down the face, revealing a now-lit cigar in Jason's mouth. It's an identical match. JASON (triumphant, but also kind of a whisper) Not today, Peter... No, today I become something so much more.
Male. Early 40s. It's a grizzly scene, one we don't see often: spontaneous combustion. The block is taped off because it's procedure, but it's not really necessary here. He's encased, perfectly preserved behind a screen. It's as if he's on display, for all to see. There's a battery nearby. Nobody can figure out if the fire first caught the top of his head or his beard. He is only succeeded by one, his wife, Mrs. Willy.
The incredible but true story of the one man who took things too far by volunteering for a highly experimental and controversial operation. SomeBODY once told him it couldn't be done, most everybody wanted to have none, but in the end, it all came down to one. This summer, Jason Murphy is... THE LAST SHREK.
Brian and Jason have been driving around Austin declaring themselves the Potato Pirates and they have the cannon to prove it. It's really gotten out of hand, they commandeer cars in the neighborhood yelling, "AVAST" while they throw potatoes out of the windows. They don't even have a good potato pun or anything, they literally just keep yelling the word "avast" over and over again.
Hello, youthful gaming elite. This is an instructional digital computing guide that will aid you in your conquest to overthrow the "status" quo. Only on the world wide web can you get this "level" of past knowledge colliding with present computing. Now this is a rich multi-media experience that's all that and a bag of chips!
Forged in the dusk of the Cold War, the pants were imbued with a mystic mistrust. It is said these pants transform their bearer into a supernaturally deceptive creature, something beyond the sum of their parts. It is within these polyester confines that a man finds himself cruel and twisted, a puppet of the pantaloon. Evil Grandpants Murphy Esq. is but a victim of this sinister stitching and seam.
Basically, we’ve outgrown everything and are trying to buy seven acres out in west Austin and build the Scam Stuff/Modern Rogue World Headquarters. This would be the biggest step we’ve ever taken, and MAN we’ve got some wild ideas for it that you’re going to love. BUUUUUT, first we’ve got to come up with cash for the closing costs, and taxes just completely wiped us out last month. So we’re doing a sale this weekend. The biggest one of the year. We’re bringing back all the prices from Black Friday 2017, which I’m sure you know are the deepest discounts we ever, ever do. We’re thinking this is a win/win: we liquidate some stock, you guys make a killing on bargains, and we all get to enjoy the beginning of the next great chapter of this adventure. (Fingers crossed!) Hope to see you over at ScamStuff.com later today, and thanks for being there. You guys are really making some magic happen for us. Thanks, —Brian
You find yourself in a red room, there is a life-sized velvet painting of a clown on the wall across from you. You find a box of matches in your one pocket. You do not remember how you got in this room. After a brief pause, Mambo No. 5 blares throughout the room and the clown from the painting drops in front of you from the ceiling like something out of Mission Impossible. It is clear he means you harm. Do you use the matches to defend yourself?
You find yourself in a small room, you are surrounded by incredibly life-like mannequins. You can hear one of them breathing, but you can't tell which one is real. All you have on you is a bobby pin in your hair. The breathing pauses for a beat, then the climax of O Fortuna blares as the walls to the room fall down and reveal an enormous live orchestra, they are all mannequins. Footsteps rapidly approach your location, do you even bother with the hair pin?
You awake to find yourself in a dark room! Your eyes begin to adjust to the glow of a red exit sign at the far end. Standing between you and the door, you can just barely identify the silhouette of what appears to be two men, one on the shoulders of the other. On your last of three wishes, you panic and wish for a light; your trickster genie hands you a single light bulb very sarcastically. She vanishes back into the dark vacuum of her lamp, which itself vanishes into the darkness of the room. Suddenly the Nokia tune plays over a low fidelity PA system, signifying the start of the tenth tournament in Mortal Kombat. Do you use this light bulb to aid you in saving the Earthrealm from Shao Kahn's reign?
I'm afraid Brian and Jason got Rick Smith Jr. to be on the show under false pretenses. What they didn't tell him is that they have a business plan to Honey I Shrunk the Kids paying customers, gently balance them on a playing card with a custom built harness (gaffer's tape,) and hurl them towards the nearest micro-city. It's a bold step for environmental conservation efforts, but these jokers know that to deal the right hand... you have to become kings of the card.
Forward for this episode written by Stan Lee, probably: "Greetings true believers, it is me, the one and only probably real Stan Lee! I got a new superhero, ya dig? His name is Card Throwy-Man. His superpower is a supernatural ability to do highly improbably (but not impossible!) card flourishes, and his weakness is paper cuts. If he gets a paper cut, he will die. It's a scathing indictment of the razor's edge we perpetuate as creators, a card in hand is a deck best left dealt."
[extremely trailer voice] "Two men at the top of their game. With everything to lose, they put it all on the line when they get in the ring. Guided by actual professionals who know what they're doing, Brian Brushwood and Jason Murphy are... Some Old Guys Who Do Cool Guy Stuff." [SOGWDCGS text treatment slams onto screen] "We don't offer discounts on seating, even though you're only going to sit on the edge."
Psychic surgery is a highly specialized form of surgery that only works on other psychics. This is possible because, and many people aren't aware of this, psychics can meld skin kind of like Odo and the changelings on Deep Space 9. They can do this because they're advanced brains run too hot so their skin melts. So they like goop their hands into your psychic stomach to goopify all of those intestine gremlins, but then the psychic has to absorb your goop into their goop, bonding with the gremlin's power level. This, as we all know, is how psychics get so powerful, but also why they're so afraid of being touched anywhere on their torso.
After traveling all across the quadrant, Jason heard about a mythical life-saving martial art. The renowned Kirk double axe-handle strike can be inverted, the Bajorans discovered, to punch a Terran heart back into function. They call it Sep'iarh and are absolutely convinced that The Sisko discovered it in a vision from the Prophets. This video isn't a substitute for actual medical training, it's more designed for public awareness.
Jason's been muttering "Nudity is wrong" under his breath ad nauseam for the past few months now. We weren't going to say anything until we found out all of those books he's written were just hundreds of pages of Jack Torrance at a typewriter if he were obsessed with vintage pants. Letting him have run of a vintage clothes shop seemed like a good way to get it out of his system.
You jolt awake in a cold sweat. Rushes of air hold you suspended in the void of an inhospitable chasm. As your eyes acclimate, a single rope floats in front of you. It communicates in a language unfamiliar yet perfectly understood, "to be, or knot to be." Every moment of indecision further slips your suspension above a most agonizing demise. In what way do you proceed?
Huge thanks to Josh for coming through and giving us the rundown on our many questions about radio. If you want to learn more about radio, you should check out his channel at Ham Radio Crash Course - https://youtube.com/hoshnasi/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------