[extremely trailer voice] "Two men at the top of their game. With everything to lose, they put it all on the line when they get in the ring. Guided by actual professionals who know what they're doing, Brian Brushwood and Jason Murphy are... Some Old Guys Who Do Cool Guy Stuff." [SOGWDCGS text treatment slams onto screen] "We don't offer discounts on seating, even though you're only going to sit on the edge."