We hope you enjoyed the three-hour ferry to New England’s best-kept secret! Ignore the warnings about the fog. Everything’s fine.
Cherish the historical charm of our local inn, which Mayor Loftis will prove is safe by spending a night there alone.
It’s time for the annual beach opening. Lay out a towel as the mayor “tests the waters.” Unrelated: Do not pick up hitchhikers.
Make sure you pack a good read for the beach! (We do not recommend self-help books on the island.)
We apologize for the curfew. Please remain calm as we determine what’s happening. On a separate note, keep your teenagers inside after dark.
