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All Seasons

Season 1

  • S01E01 Episode 1

    • May 18, 2020
    • ITV

    The tour kicks off in France. John is in charge of the itinerary and he’s booked the team into a self-catering hotel in the quiet medieval town of Provins. Harry wants the lads to be on a detox and cook their own healthy food, but they don’t even get through the first night without hitting the beers and ending up at the curry House. Harry’s not happy. Last year, the lads lost nearly 8 stone between them. Harry’s hopeful that they’ve kept it up – but after a weigh in with fitness coach Luke Worthington, nothing could be further from the truth. And it gets worse, as Razor, who had a heart scare last year, reveals he’s been to see a Cardiologist and has been told he can’t exercise and needs to have a procedure on his ticker. Harry’s determined to get the boys back in shape for the grudge match against Germany, so he’s organised a big game in France against FC Metz. In the French Premier League, their veterans team, featuring David and Ray’s old Arsenal teammate Robert Pires has never been beaten. The lads are going have to pull out all the stops, especially seeing as they’ve lost their star striker Robbie Fowler, who’s currently managing a football team in Brisbane. Robbie promises to organise a great forward for the team, and doesn’t half deliver, in the form of Liverpool’s Michael Owen. But even with the support of Michael, the only Three Lions wearer to have scored in four consecutive major tournament, there’s no escaping this will be a tough match. As well as the football, with the lads back together, the mickey taking and mischief is in full swing. So after more than a few pints too many, Harry and John decide it's time to show the boys who’s Boss and organise a surprise 5-a-side game. The ex-England Players can’t believe their eyes when they see they’ll be playing a French nudist team. Will they be able to keep their eyes on the Ball? Being away from home is also a chance to catch up with each other's personal lives. Last year, Paul Merson rev

  • S01E02 Episode 2

    • May 19, 2020
    • ITV

    The second leg of the Tour takes the Boys to Italy, where they’re holing up at a traditional Palazzo in Florence. Assistant Manager John Barnes thinks the Lads need a bit of culture so sends them off sightseeing to take in The Ponte Vecchio and Michaelangelo’s David. It’s not quite their cup of tea so it’s not long before some of the boys find a Bar and Harry finds an ice cream. Being back in Italy brings memories flooding back for Mark Wright and John Barnes who were both in the England Squad that travelled there for the World Cup in 1990. Turns out Harry was there too, and was involved in a terrible car crash in which he lost one of his good friends. At Training, Fitness Coach Luke Worthington puts the boys through their paces. Culture Vulture John has heard of a game that’s played locally called Calcio Storico and takes the Boys for a kickabout. He thinks it’s a bit like Rugby but it’s actually got some MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) thrown in which comes as quite a shock to the boys. Harry though, wants a proper game and sets his sights on organising the Lads first International Match of the Tour against minnows San Marino. Back in 1993, England had to beat San Marino by 7 clear goals to stand a chance of qualifying for the World Cup. With goalkeeping Goliath David Seaman on the team, surely this bunch of part-time Footballers stood no chance…. Or at least that’s what everybody thought, before Computer Science Student Davide Gualtieri scored, what was then, the fastest International Goal in history past Safe Hands Seaman in just 8 seconds. It was a national humiliation. The question is – will history repeat itself? To strengthen his team, Harry brings in a new player, in the form of former Wimbledon midfielder Vinnie Jones. He might have played for Wales, but Harry thinks he’s got the heart of a true English Lion.

  • S01E03 Episode 3

    • May 20, 2020
    • ITV

    It’s the final leg of the Tour in Germany. And there’s only a few days for Harry and John to get the team ready to take on our arch rivals in their own back yard. After checking into their Hotel in the Bavarian Alps, Harry receives the German Team Sheet – and it’s not a pretty read. This year’s team has got over 500 caps and they’ve brought in a Secret Weapon in the form of Thomas Hassler. With over 100 caps of his own, Hassler featured in the winning German squads of the World Cup in 1990 and the Euros in 1996. Harry’s team are going to have to step up their game big time! Penalties are England’s Achilles Heel but Harry and John have a few tricks up their sleeve to help the Lads improve. John thinks the Lads need to learn how to keep a cool head and handle their fear, so arranges for the Team to try out the Bobsleigh track at Konigssee. Reaching speeds of up to 90 miles an hour, the Boys could hit 5G – more than a Formula 1 Racing Driver. Whilst a few of the Lads opt out, nobody can believe it when 72-year-old Harry puts his hand up. With the fear of the match going to penalties hanging over their head, Harry brings in a German Psychologist who thinks he’s got the magic formula for making sure the ball hits the back of the net. All you have to do it clench your left fist apparently…. The Lads aren’t that impressed and when the technique fails to deliver, Harry’s worried the Psychologist is a spy for the German Veterans Team! Finally, it’s time for the Ex-England Legends to take on the Germans at Wacker Arena in Burghausen. Luckily for Harry, he’s managed to recruit Manchester United legend, Teddy Sheringham, so the team finally has its missing Striker. The question is, who will win: England or Germany?