Perhaps the most original sitcom pilot in recent years, this first episode combines sharp writing with a hyperbolic camera style reminiscent of Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Malcolm introduces us to his world, dominated by omnipresent schoolyard bully Spath and made worse by his enforced friendship with Stevie, an asthmatic wheelchair genius. When a battery of tests reveals that Malcolm has an IQ of 165, he is moved into Stevie's special accelerated class, despite his protests that "around here being intelligent is exactly the same as being radioactive." On the bright side, Malcolm discovers a practical application for intelligence when he and Stevie spontaneously hit on a solution to Spath's persistent tyranny.
A battle of wits and wills ensues between the boys and their angry mom, who wants to find out who ruined her expensive new red dress -- found partially burned and soaking in the toilet. It's Hal and Lois's wedding anniversary (hence the dress); and while the boys fend off their mother, with the long-distance assistance of Francis, a lonely and increasingly sozzled Hal bonds with the staff of the restaurant where he booked a table for the big night. Lois finally achieves an epiphany on the phone with Francis, who convinces her to for once "let something go." After she leaves for the restaurant, with the boys in tow, Hal arrives home to an empty house -- and we learn the truth about what happened to the red dress.
Lois and Hal are spending the weekend at a family wedding, leaving Francis -- home for a visit -- in charge. When Malcolm overhears them discussing whether Francis has spent long enough at the military academy, he enlists his brothers in a scheme to get Francis home by preventing any of the usual disasters. But three of Francis's dude buddies turn up to party and trash the house, and while frantically cleaning up Malcolm gets a serious head injury that necessitates the usual trip to the emergency ward. How to prevent Mom and Dad from finding out? Enter Caroline, who has begged Malcolm to look on her not just as his teacher but also as his "friend" -- a declaration that costs her $400 in medical bills. Meanwhile, Hal and Lois discover that his family has a new nickname for her: "Lois Common Denominator." Her humiliation provokes Hal to declare his devotion to her -- and the snooty bride and groom discover that their honeymoon car is already being put to use.... Home again, Mom and Dad a
Parallel stories pit Malcolm against Kevin, a bullying, obnoxious new kid who goads Malcolm into beating him up; and Francis vies with his intimidating military-school commandant, who's presenting sex-education lectures. When Malcolm discovers that Kevin is only seven, he is guilt-stricken and tries to make amends by entering a charity marathon race. Meanwhile, Hal chops down the front-yard tree, alienating the neighbors (who can now see the house) but fascinating his sons with the wood-chipper.
Malcolm's cushy babysitting job provides relief from the trailer the family's using while their house is being fumigated, until Malcolm learns that the trust placed in him in his new position is strictly limited. Meanwhile, the military school's master key leads Francis to a corpse, for which he provides a proper send-off.
Malcolm sleeps over at Stevie's house and, appalled at his over-protected lifestyle, persuades him to sneak out to a late-night games arcade - where Stevie's wheelchair is stolen. Meanwhile, Francis copes with a bullying group of cadets by telling them home tales about real intimidation -- by Lois.
Francis goes AWOL from military school and comes home to get together with his ditzy girlfriend, so they can get away forever. She turns out to be a thief who doesn't pay attention to Francis. So he hides in the backyard while Malcolm (who is the only one who nows he is there) tries to make excuses to Dewey for whats in the backyard.
Disasters abound at a gifted kids' picnic, where stage acts bomb, families feud, and Malcolm's dad Hal serves meat to vegetarians. Despite Malcolm's best efforts -- feigning sickness, planning to go over the wall with Francis -- his family insist on accompanying him to a circus-themed picnic for the Krelboyne class, whom must each perform for the assembled students and families. Once there, Lois immediately feuds with Dorene, the loud-mouthed mother who dominates the other parents; Reese plans to "kick Krelboyne butt" and is hoist by his own petard (okay, underpants) by Eraserhead's much bigger brother; Francis goes through an entire romantic relationship in the course of the single afternoon; and Hal grosses out the entire class by sneaking real meat into their vegetarian barbecue. When a desperate Malcolm turns Stevie's demonstration of catalysts into a gigantic stink bomb, Caroline is convinced she will be fired -- so Malcolm must go on and quell the crowd by demonstrating his abili
After the kids blow up the store's steam cleaner, and Dewey confesses to stealing a $150 bottle of cognac, Lois's firing prompts household economizing to an extent that causes Malcolm mortifying embarrassment at school: Julie organizes a food-drive for his family. When Hal winds up in emergency with acute botulism as a result, Lois must re-think her position against apologizing to her odious boss, Mr. Pinter. Meanwhile, Francis thinks he's died and gone to heaven when he's assigned honor-guard duty at a Teenage Miss Alabama beauty pageant -- until he discovers that all the girls think he's gay.
Malcolm is upset about having to dance in front of the school with the other Krelboynes, so he decides to ditch school. But when Hal convinces him that taking him to school will be the highlight of his day, so Malcolm is guilted into going. The boys are shocked though when Hal tells them they aren't going to school. He takes them to the racetrack to see the last race of the best driver ever Rusty Malcolm. After two laps, the boys decide to get some cokes. While arguing over who should watch him though, the boys lose Dewey and enter a forbidden room, only to be caught by a security guard. Meanwhile, Francis' disobedience affects the rest of the cadets.
The family gets ready to attend a relative's funeral, which affects Malcolm's plans to spend time with Julie. Upset that everyone doesn't want to go and that no one pulls their own weight around the house, Lois goes on strike. Meanwhile, Reese desperately tries to get the family to attend the funeral so he can get rid of Dewey's expensive birthday present he broke.
Reese becomes so head-over-heels for a girl on the cheerleading squad that he actually decides to join. Dewey tries to convince Lois and Hal to buy him a new toy. Francis suffers through a long lecture from Spangler.
Malcolm is angry because during a game of street hockey, he sprints up and down the street in shoes, only to have it start back the other way. So he decides he is ready to take skating lessons from his dad. He asks Reese and Francis how it is, but they both refuse to tell him. When he starts, he is angered by all the silly twists and spins they are doing. Meanwhile, Reese rollerskates in the house with a bunch of gunk on his skates which causes Lois to throw out her back while yelling at him.
Malcolm and his Krelboyne classmates enlist the help of Hal for a school project, which involves a robot, and an enormous swarm of bees. Lois visits Francis at his school after he becomes injured and soon clashes with Spangler.
The boys stay home from school when their mother thinks it's Sunday instead of Monday. Malcolm thinks of a plan to get Francis out of trouble once again. Hal gets sucked in by a Porsche dealership.
When the family goes to a water park for a day, Dewey is left home with an elderly, stern babysitter. Francis plays pool with Spangler and loses.
Hal, Lois, Malcolm and Reese are trapped in a horrendous traffic jam. Francis enters himself in a bet that recalls the egg-eating wager in "Cool Hand Luke." Malcolm becomes smitten over a girl he meets. Dewey has his own little adventure--all over the world--before his family returns home.
Francis visits the week after Halloween and helps his brothers in a trick that involves a giant slingshot with icky ammo. Hal tries to catch a mysterious hot-rodder.
Crummy gifts rile birthday gal Lois, who suddenly splits from home, leaving confusion, anxiety and desperation in her wake.
Shenanigans abound at the fancy spot where the family's dining with the Kenarbans, and at Francis' school, where rowdy teenage girls are partying.
A family weekend vacation to a casino turns into an ordeal in the desert for Hal, Reese and Malcolm, who wander onto an artillery range. Francis sneaks home, but has no one to play with.
While Hal and Lois wreak havoc out of town, the boys are almost angelic at home-- thanks to the care of a sexy babysitter.
Gun-wielding robbers menace Lois and Craig at the Lucky Aide Store, while swarming bats beset Hal and the boys at home.
Malcolm's humiliation as a Krelboyne drives him crazy, so he fakes his way into seeing the school's shrink, with whom the con continues.
Malcolm gets a role in the high school play and is so captivated by high school gossip that he forgets his lines. Lois discovers the joys of massage. Hal and Dewey build a society of model buildings in the living room. Francis tries to show his individualism at school when the commandant cracks down on personal belongings.
Reese is suddenly the school hero when he joins the wrestling team, but after he gets thrashed by a girl wrestler, he misses that feeling of pride. He decides to give up being the school bully and instead tries to do many misguided good deeds. The school kids are excited to be out from under the reign of Reese, but Malcolm soon learns that not everyone appreciates his sarcastic comments all the time, and now that his brother is no longer there to protect him, everyone wants to beat up Malcolm because he hurt their feelings. Just as Reese is about to join a feel-good cult, the Krelboynes beg him to regain his crown as school bully because lots of little bullies are causing anarchy. Francis, scared of the school tradition of having every hair shaved from his body on his birthday, begs his parents to fly him home, but they can't afford it. Finally, he thinks he has an out when he injures his hand and the nurse takes pity on him and invites him over to her apartment for birthday cake. Lois
Dewey starts carrying a purse to school. Francis's friend Richie joins him at military school. Malcolm becomes a slave to an old woman in the neighborhood.
There's a new girl in the Krelboyne class. Malcolm learns that his dull pencils were part of an elaborate yet unknown hazing. Cynthia is a fresh recruit from New York, and she earns Malcolm's affections with wit and Israeli ass whoopin' moves. But she's weird; she picks earwax while flirting. Of course, Malcolm throws bricks through windows, so they're a match. Meanwhile Dewey is wearing a home made hazmat suit killing all the home's scary germs, because he doesn't want to lose his eyes. And, Francis, he hasn't done anything worse than usual, but Hal lies for him. Hal feels guilty. Francis must pay. One hopes this means Francis will get over his mother, his future therapist has to catch some kind of break.
Malcolm's family tries to become friendly with their new neighbours with the pool, but end up with new enemies instead. Neighbour boy Josh convinces Dewey that the lawn gnome wants to eat him, and spreads vicious lies about Malcolm that have the police coming to visit. Young daughter Emily likes to bite Reese every chance she can get, and Reese can't fight back because she's just a four-year-old girl. Lois takes an immediate dislike to Tina, the mother of the family, who refuses to admit that Emily has a biting problem and treats her Hispanic gardener like dirt. Only Hal bonds with new neighbour father Mike, but they have to carry on their friendship in secret. Malcolm enlists Reese's help in smearing Josh's name the way Josh did his. In the process of planting evidence under Josh's window they bust and draw attention to Tina having an affair, in the pool, with her gardener. The new neighbours move out. Commandant Spangler works his cadets hard to prepare for his hero, Oliver North's,
Malcolm becomes concerned with his future and his career. He takes an aptitude test, which doesn't help because he finds out that he is equally excellently qualified to do anything. Hal, after having a bad time at Dewey's class career day, quits his job and decides to paint. His family is amazed at the transformation: suddenly he's happy and more attentive to both his sons and his wife. However, he soon becomes obsessed and spends twenty-four hours a day painting, even stealing money from Francis for more paint. He becomes more and more frustrated until he's ready to give up, but Lois pushes him and he finishes his masterpiece... only to have the five hundred gallons of paint he slapped up fall down on his head. Francis gets a job over spring break at Lucky Aide, where Lois works, and loses his mind working for Craig in inventory.
Lois's nightmare parents, Victor and Ida, come for a surprise visit and throw the family into turmoil not only with their mere presence, but by promising to pay for a much-needed refrigerator and then reneging after Lois and Hal spend money they don't have. Lois and Hal are forced to ask Ida and Victor to stay longer to help take care of the kids while they work some crazy overtime. Victor treats Reese like a king while Ida tortures Malcolm for being a smart wimp. Victor gives Reese a live grenade, and when Reese inevitably arms it, Malcolm's quick thinking blows up the new refrigerator instead of the whole house. Hal extorts money out of Lois's parents to pay for the damage. Francis motivates his fellow cadets to break out for a weekend and go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but then spend the entire time there suffering from eating bad sushi.
Lois gets a traffic ticket and immediately blames Francis and makes him get the money to her. To do this, Francis stages a stunt for the other cadets' amusement. Malcolm finds evidence that Lois was wrong about the traffic ticket.
A hospital stay unsettles Malcolm, who's stuck in a kids ward with what may be appendicitis. Meanwhile, at military school, Francis leads a hunger strike.
A cooking class energizes Reese; a planned party irks Malcolm, whose brutal honesty hurts the hostess, Krelboyne Cynthia.
Malcolm and the Krelboynes tutor Reese, and uncover the real reason behind his failing grades.
Malcolm and Reese (Frankie Muniz, Justin Berfield) go to a bowling party where they vie for the attention of a cute girl. With Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston and Erik Per Sullivan.
Francis has an extra ticket for a wrestling event and it is the prize pitting Malcolm vs. Reese in a one-upmanship war; caring for Craig's cat is troublesome for Dewey.
Lois (Jane Kaczmarek) forbids the boys to ride a motorbike they found, but Reese (Justin Berfield) disobeys and breaks a leg.
Malcolm, Dewey, Stevie, and Reese hide out at a traveling carnival after hours and run afoul of a determined security guard and several members of the freak show.
Malcolm's family and scores of others are forced to relocate to a school gym because of a toxic-chemical spill caused by a derailed train. Seems it ran over an old couch that fell off Hal's car on his way to the dump. Amid the chaos, resourcefulness pays off for Dewey, who enlists sympathy by pretending his parents were killed in an enveloping chemical cloud; and for Reese, who schemes to make money off the calamity. As the rascal puts it, "When people are miserable and suffering, it brings out the best in me."
This freewheeling close to the series' second season recalls the tumultuous births and early years of the four rambunctious sons of Lois (and Hal. At the outset, Lois tells her hubby that she might be pregnant again. "We're not ready for this," ruffled Hal replies. "When have we ever been ready?" Lois snaps back. She's right. Take, for example, a flashback to the couple's wedding: an 11-hour ceremony during which a very pregnant Lois goes into labor. And then there's the birth of the obstreperous Reese, for which the delivering doctor isn't ready. "My God!" the physician exclaims. "He kicked me in the nose!"
It's still summer-vacation time on the jaunty third-season opener, which finds Malcolm and his rowdy clan cruising on a lake in a houseboat with Stevie and his straitlaced parents, Abe and Kitty Kenarban. Some vacation. The vessel itself is a fright, a weathered heap that Dewey hates from the get-go because "There's no TV! There's no TV! There's no TV!" An equally distraught Malcolm is shanghaied by Hal for a fishing expedition, leaving lucky Reese the chance to trawl for bikini-clad beauties at a nearby camp. Back on board, the close quarters are slowly driving Abe off the deep end.
Still reeling over Francis' break for freedom, Lois and Hal find themselves face to face with their newly independent son. While at home, Francis wins back Hal's support, but Lois is a completely different story. Also, Malcolm and the Krelboynes meet their match when a new teacher ”a former Krelboyne himself” is assigned to the class. He sets up a ranking system that pits the students against each other and eventually drives them to the brink of insanity.
Unfulfilled Lois joins a ladies’ book club, which is really a whining—and wining—session. Meanwhile, at home, Hal’s desperate to busy the boys.
Malcolm has a new light in his life: a perky classmate named Sara (whose face, in a quirky touch, is never shown). But, according to Malcolm , she’s “good-looking and smart and cool. And if we went out together, it would make me happy. So therefore, it will never happen.” Ah, but it does—a surprising turn of events that elates the lad and perturbs his parents, especially when Malcolm goes into an academic tailspin. And it’s not long before our lovesick hero admits that he’s becoming “obsessive and neurotic, and a totally jealous creep.”
In an effort to contribute to society and to make her boys useful at the same time, Lois "volunteers" Malcolm, Reese and Dewey for charity work at a local church. The boys are assigned to sort giant piles of donated clothing, game, appliances etc. Initially irritated at their new task, they realize the donated stuff is a lot nicer than their own possessions, and they begin swapping out their old stuff with the second-hand items. The boys soon make a enterprise out of their charity assistance, going as far as to sell things to the neighborhood kids - that is until Hal finds out. Meanwhile, Francis must come to grips with the fact his fabulous job in Alaska is not quite what he expected.
When Hal's doctor discovers something suspicious during his routine check-up, Lois and Hal become frantic, nervous wrecks as they wait for the test results. As a result of her anticipation, Lois becomes even stricter with the boys, leaving them to misinterpret the new house rules. Meanwhile, in Alaska, Francis comes to blows with his boss.
When Malcolm and his brothers destroy their Christmas tree ornaments, Lois punishes them by canceling Christmas and moves all the presents into the garage. The only way she will reinstate the holiday is if the boys behave impeccably up to Christmas morning. Her plan works better than expected, and Lois is touched that her family responded so well to her challenge. Meanwhile, the boys decide that Lois could use this tactic for future holidays and retaliate by breaking into the garage and opening up all the presents. Elsewhere, Francis is forced to visit his Grandma Ida for Christmas.
Poker showdowns with Abe give Hal a flush; dance lessons turn Lois awhirl; an Alaskan blizzard entraps and rattles Francis. (TV Guide)
Trouble finds Reese at his new fast-food job; a new Krelboyne tutors Malcolm; Hal and Lois sabotage Dewey's plan to get a dog.
A negative job-performance review riles Lois; hoops play with the boys energizes Hal; a vermin infestation busies rat-killer Francis.
Juicy guest casting and ingenious plotting enliven an hourlong episode that airs in the plum post-Super Bowl slot. One storyline unfolds at Hal's company picnic, where Lois clashes with a blabby wife (Susan Sarandon) and her beleaguered spouse (Kaczmarek's real-life husband, Bradley Whitford); and Hal runs afoul of his new boss (Stephen Root) and the big cheese (Patrick Warburton). In Alaska, Francis's scheme to win a bet involves rigging a hockey game that pits loggers vs. a fearsome women's squad led by a blowhard coach (Terry Bradshaw).
After Hal is mistaken by his new boss, as that guy's boss, Hal plays along. Malcolm is in a three-legged scavenger hunt with the girl he likes, but becomes upset after he confesses he likes her, and she says she likes another boy. Reese is also the the scavenger hunt, and at first doesn't like the big dumb bully he is with, but they grow to like each other when they bond over beating up the other contestants and stealing their items. Lois continues to balance keeping Dewey intact and dealing with the crazy woman, but now must talk to the husband as well. Francis continues to sabotage his own team, this time on the ice.
Highway horror: Reese gets a learner's permit, which he promptly proceeds to abuse by commandeering a driving-school vehicle.
The return of the smart and sassy Cynthia rattles Malcolm, who's astonished by her physical maturation. And so is drooling Reese.
The arrival of Francis's new bride on Hal's birthday sparks a fray that drives the younger siblings out---and into a posh hotel.
Clever Hal invigorates Dewey's soccer team; sly Reese blackmails a philandering neighbor; obsessed Malcolm battles a computer program.
Dewey rules, thanks to his new dog that intimidates Malcolm and Reese; Hal and Lois hit the town with big plans---and flu symptoms.
Girls in the house spell trouble for the boys, who are on their own while Dad's hosting a poker game that's more about one-upmanship than cards.
An embattled psychiatrist probes the boys' naughty behavior patterns in a session framed by flashbacks to past episodes.
Lois gets jury duty and Hal tries to figure out what case she's working on. Meanwhile, Malcolm and Reese saw Stevie's mom naked and brag about it, they also take Dewey to the sewers and get lost.
Back in the general school population, the Krelboyne whiz kids wind up in cliques with jocks, skateboarders and brooding "Goths."
New monkey business occupies Reese, now a self-appointed law enforcer; a capuchin monkey has it in for Lois's co-worker, Craig.
